Woman asks husband to quit one of 2 hockey leagues to stay home for newborn. AITA?
"AITAH for asking my husband to quit one of his two hockey leagues to stay home and help take care of our newborn?"
For the last few years, my husband’s fitness routine has consisted of playing hockey 2 nights a week as well as working out at home another 3-4 mornings. We recently had a baby in August.
Since he’s gone back to work I find the days where he has hockey at night (ranging anywhere from 7:30-10:45pm) really difficult mentally and physically because I usually get no break from taking care of the baby since he gets home at 5:30 and has to leave about an hour before the start of each game and doesn’t get home for an hour after. I gave it a month to see if it got easier as the baby got older and is sleeping more but it hasn’t.
The 2 games a week are for 2 separate leagues. As a compromise, I’ve asked him to go from playing in two leagues to playing in one. He also still works out at home 2-3 days a week. Every time we talk about it, it ends up being an argument and he makes it seem like I’m being unreasonable. I genuinely want to know AITAH for asking him to do this?
I get that it is disappointing for him and he feels he is letting the team down but he also didn’t discuss this with me before signing up. From my perspective, he still has plenty of opportunities for physical activity but he expects that it should be the same as before we had the baby (which I obviously don’t agree with).
He says I can have another night to sign up for something I want to do (like yoga etc.) but I’m not ready for that yet and to me that adds another night a week that we don’t spend together as well.
Is there something else to this that I’m not considering or should suggest as a solution? I’m open to reevaluating as the baby gets older but right now it is just really hard.
EDIT:
When he is home he is an equal contributing parent in every way. If I have something planned, he will take care of our baby on his own with no hesitation. His ability or willingness to take care of our baby isn’t the issue. The hockey schedule is what is challenging and the point of discussion.
Re: babysitting suggestions. We considered this. Most of our friends and family live at least 30 mins away from us so not impossible, but also not easy especially if it’s an every week thing and late at night.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
pattern_thimble said:
NTA. I stopped playing hockey when my kids were young, because I felt too guilty coming home from work and going straight out again, after my partner had been parenting all day...Now the kids are older and much easier to deal with, my evenings are more free for friends and sports :)
sdelightful said:
NTA. why is he afraid of letting the team down but fine with letting his supposed life partner and child down?
attack-ninja said:
I can't imagine having a new baby and still living like you're childless. Hubs has lost his damn mind. NTA.
ghostchurches said:
Unless the entire team is 20 year olds, they will understand. This is normal and expected when people have a baby. Maybe he can go back in a few years when there’s less constant care needed.
el_bandita said:
NTA he is a father now. He is delusional if he thinks he gets to be keep thing they were before the kid.
Kenobi030420 said:
NTA. His priorities should be the baby, you, THEN hockey. To be putting a hobby before the wellbeing of his family is ridiculous behaviour. If he wants to get up early for workouts ect that doesn't eat into family time, fair enough.
But it's a hard no to be out with buddies while you're struggling at home. Suggesting you also leave the baby is absolutely more about absolving him of his guilt by wanting you to behave the same, NOT about actually wanting to help with your wellbeing.