Woman asks if she was wrong to be 'petty' about BF's brother's 'fake' wedding.
Is a wedding still worth attending if it's not a "real" wedding?
When a conflicted on-the-fence wedding guest decided to vent to the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's "Am I the As#hole" about whether or not they should attend a post-wedding wedding, people were ready to judge.
AITA for popping my BF's bubble & being petty about his brother's upcoming wedding?
My partner and I (both 30s) are gearing up for his brother's (30M) wedding next year. My partner is Best Man so he's recently been stressing about planning the bachelor party and being gone during critical events at work.
I'm not in the wedding party so all I've had to worry about is what to wear. I don't get the chance to dress up often so I was going to pick up a dress I love but had no reason to buy otherwise (a bit of a splurge for me, but would have been worth it for their wedding).
Well I just found out that the couple eloped and had a courthouse wedding last month, they couldn't wait to get married and did so in the town they met.
They're going to still hold the large wedding next year and invite hundreds of people, many of which would travel from out of town.
But they're keeping it secret that they're already hitched. The first thing out of my mouth when my bf told me was that I thought that was kind of f'ked up.
He asked me what I meant, so I said that I feel like it was sh%tty to hide that information from people. Some might not want to travel or pay as much money for a wedding that isn't an actual wedding.
He got quiet for a second, said "well I didn't think about it like that," got quiet again, then got angry and left the room while saying "well IIIII was excited about it."
Like I know that I burst his bubble, but was what I said wrong? I'm of course still excited about the party and supportive of the relationship, but even I don't want to spend the money I would have because it doesn't feel the same to me.
My expenses would be a fraction of what people would spend just to travel here & I feel like you're taking away that choice from people by hiding your marital status.
Later, the post was edited to include:
EDIT it didn't take much for me to realize that I had a bias due to my own family's traditions, and it wasn't fair for me to impose those on anyone else.
Regardless of the final vote here, I'll be apologizing for being insensitive. Thank you to those of you who have helped me with their input.
Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this drama:
HappyLittleHat said:
YTA - it’s still a ceremony, still a chance for people to celebrate and catch up with everyone they may not have seen in ages. It’s still exciting and it’s still a wedding.
Happy_Train9408 said:
YTA. That IS an actual wedding.I don´t know where you live, but where I am from it ist VERY common to have courthouse and ceremony/reception on different dates (yes, even sometimes a year apart).
Actually here the ceremony/reception part is more considered "the wedding" than the townhall part.
Just because you haven't been front row, doesn't mean the two do not deserve a day of celebrating their love.
hamhead said:
NTA. While most people won’t care, it’s a valid point. If it’s just “we got married already but we want to invite everyone to a big reception” that’s totally fine - but it should be known. I’d be offended I’m not being told and not being allowed to make my own decision.
Broad_Respond_2205 said:
Ok so you know how sometimes mayors cut large ribbon with comically large scissors to open the building? That's not actual official.
You have to make a lot of bureaucracy to actually, officially and practically open it to the public. Yet people still come to those things. You can put emphasis on different things. YTA.
OriginalBlerd said:
YTA Let people enjoy things.
So, there you have it...
While the opinions were fairly divided here, most people agreed that she was wrong to shame her partner's excitement for her wedding. It's still a wedding, and it's still worth celebrating, regardless of when the piece of paper was signed.