Wife asks if it's 'selfish' to tell husband it's his turn to 'sacrifice' his career.
Choosing when and how to give up key moments of our professional life in order to care for children can be a tense topic for couples, co-parents, or anyone who is succesfully 'doing it all'...
So, when a conflicted wife and mother decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As#hole' about 'sacrificing' their careers to care for the family, people were ready to help deem a verdict.
AITA (Am I the As*hole) for telling my husband that it’s his turn to “sacrifice” his career?
15 years ago my first child was born, at the time I was working in a job that was 7am-9pm and my husband had about the same hours.
When our child was born she was sick and the doctor told us that while she will be able to live a somewhat normal life as long as she will have regular treatment and check ups.
It was a clear to both of us that we will not be able to manage it along with our jobs and decided that one of us will have to quit.
It was easier for me to quit since he was making more money than me, while also running his own business so that way I could just come work at his whenever I can and won’t go crazy being at home all the time.
That arrangement had worked well for us until lately his doctor told him he needs to start working less as the stress is not good for his health. I talked to him about him doing that and me going back to work.
In my field, my field is all about connections and since now I have a lot more of those than when I started, it will probably take me about 3-5 years to get back to my old position instead of the 8 it took me originally.
My husband does not want to do it and he said it’s selfish of me to tell him to do it as I know how much he loves his job and that I could “ruin his career.'
He and his best friends own the company, nothing is going to happen to his place there.
I know it’s kind of selfish to ask him to do that but I want to go back to working in a place I love and I only suggested it because of what his doctor said but I do want to know, AITA?
I didn’t ask him to quit work, I asked him to cut his work hours from 12 hours to 6-8, the company is his. He gets a percentage of the money if he works 12 hours 6 hours or doesn’t work at all. Our money income will only increase if I go back to work.
Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this one:
DisneyFoodie20 said:
NTA. The fact that he called you selfish for asking him to do for you what you've already done for him is a major red flag. Unfortunately, it sounds like he has no intentions of backing off of his work for his health.
petielvrrr said:
NTA 100%. Not only have you already made the exact sacrifice you’re asking him to make for the family, his doctor straight up told him to do it for his own health. You’ve done nothing wrong.
He needs to get his head screwed back on straight and realize that the world doesn’t revolve around him when he has a whole ass family to think about.
FirstImpressions38 said:
NTA. It might compromise his career temporarily, but if he’s hospitalized because he ignored doctors orders that’ll comprise it a hell of a lot more.
KnightofForestsWild said:
NTA I assume you also loved your career. He doesn't seem to care so why should you care if he loves his? His happiness isn't more important than yours.
EconomyVoice7358 said:
It’s not remotely selfish to ask! He’s gotten to do what he loves for 15 years. Does he not also love your kid? It’s not selfish for you to get a turn to advance your career. He’s the one being selfish, especially considering what the doc said. NTA.