Woman asks parents why her wedding gift was smaller than her sister's; AITA?
Is it fair to base your decision of how much money to give your newly-wedded children on the 'lifestyle they chose?'
So, when a conflicted woman decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about her wedding gift from her parents, people were ready to hear all the juicy family gossip.
AITA (Am I the As*hole) for asking my parents why my wedding gift was significantly smaller than my sister’s?
My husband and I (28M, 28F) got married recently, and my sister (31F) and I were discussing the wedding after returning from the honeymoon. We are very fortunate to have grown up in a household where my parents made very good money.
They were generous with us, but raised my sister and I to be hard-working and not dependent on them as adults. My sister and I both do well financially as does her husband (36M).
My husband loves his job, but it is not one that has a ton of earning potential. He and I met in college, so I’ve always known this was his plan and we are very happy with our setup.
During my discussion with my sister, she asked me if my husband and I were planning to use the wedding gift money from my parents to do a particular renovation for which we’ve been saving, but I was very confused because the gift, while extremely generous and appreciated, wasn’t nearly enough to cover that.
She told me how much she had been gifted and it was more than twice what we had been given. After that I couldn’t stop thinking about why I had gotten less, so my sister encouraged me to ask, and during a call with my mom I couldn’t stop myself from asking.
Her response was that it wasn’t my business, but since I did ask, my sister has chosen a partner that can accommodate the lifestyle she’s used to, so they’ve gifted her accordingly.
They also gifted me according to the lifestyle I’ve chosen. We are not entitled to gifts of any size in life, but I still can’t help feeling hurt that my parents feel that my husband and I are less deserving than my sister and her husband based on income. Meanwhile my parents are angry at both my sister and me for having this discussion and bringing it to them.
Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this one:
gnothro said:
NTA. There's a lot of reasons that would have made sense and been OK, including a simple 'we're not in the same financial situation we were in when we gave your sister her wedding gift.'
But to make it about how much you guys make, is basically a passive aggressive way of saying 'you got less because you picked a partner we feel is beneath you.'
TheSciFiGuy80 said:
What weird logic. Your BIL makes more so we gift them more? Your Husband makes less so we gift you less? Sounds backwards. Also sounds like they’re punishing you for choosing who you married.
Adorable_Accident440 said:
Nta but that's a weird way of gifting money. Your sister and husband make more so they get more money, and you get less because you make less. Does not compute.
[deleted] said:
NTA. I mean, yeah, you're not entitled to anything, but if your parents are going to go giving out large sums of money, it's damn stupid to do it on the basis of 'you didn't marry rich enough for us, so you're just going to have to deal with that.'
[deleted] said:
NTA. Maybe it’s best to go low contact. They’ve made it very clear what they think of your husband. And when you have children how are they going to treat them. It doesn’t sound like they are very giving people. I would be more concerned about their hatred for my husband.
mzpljc said:
NTA for asking. You were told about the discrepancy, you didn't fish for it. Reasonable to want an explanation. Your mom's reasoning is hot garbage and classist.
WaywardPrincess1025 said:
NTA. I don’t know what kind of relationship you have with your parents. But my family and I are pretty close. I absolutely know how much my siblings got for their weddings and the reasons why.
So I don’t fault you for asking your mom. I do think what she did was super rude. She be treating you all equally. I’d be upset too at her reasoning.
seregil42 said:
NTA. You simply asked a question based in information that you received. You didn't demand that she give you more. Your parents, while they can do what they want with their money, showed you what they think of your husband and his career choice.
So, there you have it...
Everyone agreed unanimously here that this woman wasn't wrong to question her parents' decision as their reasoning seems confusing and flawed. Good luck at future family holidays, everyone...drama is afoot.