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Woman asks pregnant sister to 'reconsider' baby name, 'I’d get to keep that name.' AITA?

Woman asks pregnant sister to 'reconsider' baby name, 'I’d get to keep that name.' AITA?


"AITA for asking my sister to reconsider her baby name?"

Before anyone makes assumptions, I also disagree with “owning” a baby name on principle, but please try to see this specific scenario from my pov too. My (22F) sister (28F) is pregnant with her first baby, unplanned but very much wanted. She and my BIL (36M) have been talking about baby names.

Growing up, my sister and I would always talk about baby names. We are very similar in many ways but also very different in our tastes, so our choices were always very different and between us we had a mutual agreement of calling dibs on certain names. And as much as it was light, it was also kind of serious. I’ve had a boy name that I’ve loved and called dibs on since I was 8 that my sister never liked so that was that.

It goes a bit deeper than that. I’m unsure if I’ll ever have children for medical reasons, although there is plenty of hope and I should be able to all being well! I’ve spent years praying and hoping for a baby and so my list of names for girls and boys has always been something I’ve thought about and held onto.

Furthermore, not long ago, before my sister even knew she was pregnant, we were talking about baby names again and she said how she wanted to use our dad’s middle name for a boy’s middle name as it’s been passed down his side of the family.

I said that’s fine by me because I’d like to use his first name as that’s the only name that’s truly his, as his dad wasn’t very good to him and I don’t want to use a name that he had too. My sister acknowledged this but didn’t say anything more.

So imagine how surprised I am to hear that their boy name is going to be my #1 boy name that I always talked about and she always agreed on me using, paired with our dad’s first name as the baby’s middle name. The exact name combination I wanted and talked about.

I know she might not have a boy but there’s a 50/50 chance. I also know that I could use the same name for my baby, and trust me I will if that’s what it takes, but I just feel like if I do get my miracle baby after potentially years of trying and it does happen to be a boy too, he would deserve a special and unique name.

I was so hoping that I’d get to keep that name as something meaningful to me, something I carried along with all my hopes for a family for many years, and then finally get to use for my baby.

I don’t want to be an ahole and insist she doesn’t use the name at all, but I’d like to ask her to reconsider. I don’t think she’s an ahole but I do think she’s being a bit unthoughtful when she knows how much it means to me. Apparently it’s BIL’s favorite name so I do understand, and it’s not an uncommon name either, but the exact combination has me realllllly upset. AITA?


EDIT: it’s not like we agreed this 14 years ago and never talked about it again, we talk about this regularly even to this day. When she first met BIL and they jokingly talked about baby names, she said “we can’t use (name) because that’s her baby name” and then she told me about it and said “I’ve got your back don’t worry!”…and now obviously that’s changed.

EDIT 2: I’m fully aware that any name would need to be agreed with my future husband, and he might not like it. I’m just upset that it’s not very sisterly of my sister to use a name that she KNOWS (and has known for years) is so important to me and how much I’d like to use it.

EDIT 3: bit of misinterpretation here - no I’m not actively trying for a baby, nor have I been trying for years. I’ve been HOPING for years that it will be part of my future and work out for me because I do have fertility issues but they do think that I’ll be able to have children with IVF.

So it’s not out of the question at all, and my sister and whole family knows how important this journey has been for me so far as I was diagnosed with my condition 5 years ago and getting answers for my fertility has been my main battle ever since.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Vegetable-Bet-8876 said:

I would just tell her that you will name your baby the same exact name and see if that persuades her to change her mind, but I don’t think that asking or talking to her about it will change her mind. Just flat out say that’s so cute both our boys with identical names, how unique and precious. If she still wants to go ahead with it then there really is nothing you can do.

Illustrious-Wolf6516 said:

NTA. I’d say something along the lines of “Wow, so if we both have boys they’re going to have the same name!” Make her fully aware that you WILL be using the name despite her aholery.

BlueGreen_1956 said:

NTA. You can always ask. Regardless, you can name your child whatever you wish (including the exact same name she chose) and if sister dear gets upset about it, tough cheese. "We talk about this regularly even to this day." You and your sister must have some scintillating conversations.

Ok_Bench_8144 said:

I know people are saying you can’t own a name, and you can’t, but it’s not a very sisterly thing of her do. The fact that she repeatedly said she doesn’t like the first name you’ve chosen, and then to pair it with using the middle name that you had chosen, it would be very hurtful if I were in your shoes. Of all the names to choose it feels intentional. NTA for asking.

DeciduousMath12 said:

ESH. You're not even married or pregnant it sounds like. Let her and her husband pick the name for their kid, and if they aren't creative enough to respect you, or make their own combo, whatever. But also, if you're 22 you're barely an adult. To think that you wouldn't even consider the input of a partner in the name of your children is pretty selfish and indicative that you're far from ready to have kids.

sehrgut said:

YTA. Childhood "promises" are not even subjectively binding.

Most people were on OP's side for this one, but what's your advice for these sisters?

Sources: Reddit
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