'AITA for leaving my partner's kids unattended in a hotel pool?'
"AITA for leaving my partner's kids unattended in a hotel pool?"
First time traveling with my partner (49M) and his two boys, 9 and 13. I get along great with the boys. They're awesome, smart, creative, funny kids. They can also be jerks, but that's normal.
I'm on the verge of becoming an official step mom, which would be a big 'step' for all of us...lately I've felt extra scrutiny from the three of them (kids and boyfriend), which makes sense.
Both boys have mentioned to my partner that I left them unattended in the hotel pool on this trip. I got pretty defensive when he brought it up, but perhaps I am the as*hole.
I grew up a latchkey kid in the 90s, and am often surprised at the lack of independence both boys demonstrate...neither of them walk to or from school a few blocks away, they can't be left home alone for an hour to run errands, or go to the corner store by themselves...it seems odd to me. But I accept that I may be old and wrong.
Anyway...I was watching them in the hotel pool. Small pool, not deep, but no lifeguard. My partner said he was 'going upstairs to get his swimsuit' and left for 40 minutes. I had to pee.
I said jokingly to them 'ok dudes, shallow end, no drowning!' and went to the lobby bathroom for maybe 5 minutes, then came back to watch them. Weeks later this has come up with both of them.
I'm annoyed with my partner for disappearing for an extended period of time when I thought he was coming back to swim, and I'm annoyed with the boys for ratting me out as if I left them in a burning car or something when I just had to pee and they are 9 and 13 and both decent swimmers! Argh! But maybe I'm wrong. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
thumpmyponcho said:
A 9 and a 13 year old should be able to spend 5 minutes unsupervised. If they can't, then that's a problem with their parenting, not you. NTA (Not the As*hole).
rmric0 said:
NTA. Dude doesn't get to ditch you to have some alone time from his kids (without asking) and then complain that you had to pee
nottodayoilyjosh said:
NTA. His kids are using this as a way to leverage power against you.
Theodora1976 said:
NTA they’re old enough to be left alone for 5 minutes and if the kids didn’t think so they should have stopped you from leaving, not “ratted you out” months later.
I’m a former lifeguard and while I don’t think OP is TA I do disagree with your point. Even strong swimmers can drown. When my uncle was 16 he was a champion competitive swimmer, on his way to qualifying for the Olympics.
Also OP’s BF is a massive AH for leaving her alone for 40 minutes with the kids. I have a feeling that he was trying to do some weird responsibility test and told his kids about it which is why they were so quick to rat OP out to their dad for leaving them alone for 5 minutes.
You need to take some time to consider if you want a future with your partner raising dependent kids. The children and him were upset you took a bathroom break.
The whole point of raising children is to guide them to be fully functional adults (at least to me). At 13 and 9, the kids could have problem solved if they didn't feel safe and gotten out of the pool to wait. They didn't, they passed the blame on to you. It's not a pattern yet, but it could be.
I don't know, I'm at a crossroads in life and with him; I'm not perfect, he's not perfect, nobody's perfect. I love him and his kids, and I mostly did want confirmation that I'm not the asshole, but it seems pretty split. There are a lot of responses. Thanks for saying NTA. I do need a break in general.