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Woman asks if she was wrong to tell friend she should've 'thought' before having kids.

Woman asks if she was wrong to tell friend she should've 'thought' before having kids.


The decision of whether or not to have children is a deeply personal one, but many proudly child-free people fight it hard to resist saying 'I told you so' when their friends who are parents start complaining...

So, when a conflicted woman decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'am I the As*hole' about her friend who has kids, people were quick to help deem a verdict.

AITA (Am I the As*hole) for telling my friend she should’ve thought before having kids if she wanted more freedom?

My friend, Isla (26F) and I (26F) have known each other since middle school. We applied to the same college and got in. However, Isla got pregnant after a few months and decided to drop out.

She’s had 3 more accidental pregnancies and is now a stay-at-home mother of 4. I was telling her the other day that I’m going traveling to Europe and if all goes well, I will be moving there.

She got really annoyed with me and told me that it must be nice to have all the freedom and no responsibilities (like hello, I work, I’m doing my PhD, it’s not like I’m just sitting on my a*s) because I don’t have kids.

This is not the first time she took jabs at me for that but it was the first time she was this rude. I told her that if she wanted to be free and go off whenever and wherever she wanted, she should’ve used protection and thought before having kids (our conversation was at my house and her kids weren’t there).

She got really mad and left, slamming the door on her way out. She hasn’t replied to my messsages but she starting telling everyone what an awful' person I am. AITA for snapping at her?

Eh...this one is tough. Was her friend really being that 'rude' by admiring her freedom?

Sure, saying she doesn't have any responsibilites isn't right as child-free people can have just as many responsibilities as parents, but this reaction would be more justified if she had expressed regret or resentment toward her life as a parent.

Fantasizing about being about to travel through Europe when you're stuck at home with four children doesn't necessarily mean you'd trade lives with your friend and it definitely doesn't call for a lecture on birth control. Still, guilting your friend for protecting herself against unwanted pregnancies and living a child-free life is also not the move.

If seems like there might not be one main as*hole here, but the jury of internet strangers was nevertheless eager to weigh in on this parenting debate. Here's what they had to say:

thewhiterosequeen said:

4 accidental pregnancies? At some point that's not an accident, that's choosing to let pregnancies happen. I think you've just grown too far apart. She's jealous but that's on her. She chose her life and you chose yours. 4 kids didn't just happen to her without her input. NTA (not the As*hole) and maybe it's best if you let the friendship fizzle out.

DisneyBuckeye said:

NTA - someone maybe needs to explain to Isla how pregnancy works if she's had 4 accidental pregnancies in 8 years. I hope you have a wonderful trip in Europe!

defnotwhouthink said:

NTA - and this is coming from a mom who has no freedom! I say this to MYSELF all the time lol.

KatKaleen said:

NTA. You get pregnant by accident ONCE. She chose to be a mother of four, and that is perfectly fine. Just like it's perfectly fine for you to have other priorities. She's regretting her decisions and taking it out on you. You don't have to put up with those jabs. If this is the end of your friendship, so be it.

So, there you have it!

Everyone agreed unanimously here that this child-free woman wasn't wrong at all to defend her self against her friend's little jabs and condascending comments. Good luck, everyone!

Sources: Reddit
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