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Woman asks if she's wrong to use the same baby name in-laws chose before miscarriage.

Woman asks if she's wrong to use the same baby name in-laws chose before miscarriage.


Choosing a baby name can be a daunting and difficult task for many expecting parents, but what do you do when you in-laws chose the name you want first?

So, when a conflicted pregnant woman decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about the baby name that she was her husband are determined to use, people were quick to help deem a verdict.

AITA (Am I the As*hole) for picking the same name for my baby as my brother-in-law's unborn baby?

My (31F) husband (33M) and his brother (36M) aren't super close, but we all get along well. My brother-in-law is pretty nice overall, but he does seem to be a bit jealous of my husband and just everything we have (but my husband told me that it's always been like this so it's not really a big deal).

I'm currently pregnant with a baby girl (our first baby), and we've been discussing possible names. There's one that we're pretty sure of, it's not super 'out there' but I think pretty unique nowadays and I really like it.

The issue is, this is the name that my BIL and his girlfriend had picked out for their baby 3 years ago (if it was a girl because they didn't know yet), but the baby unfortunately died. His girlfriend chose the name from her favorite ballet, and I remember she would say that if she ever had a daughter she'd name her that.

We were at a family event over the weekend and I mentioned that we had that name in mind. BIL looked kind of surprised and said that was the name they'd picked for their daughter.

My husband said that we know but we just thought it was a really nice name. BIL started saying if we could reconsider and that there are other names, and this one's really special to him. I said that we decided on the name , and he actually didn't even know if his baby was going to be a girl or a boy.

He was upset and kept saying that we should reconsider, I got a little mad and told him that he doesn't own the name, and they should be hoping for a healthy baby rather than worry about names.

BIL dropped it after that, but my SIL (my husband's sister) told me and my husband that we don't care and we're intentionally hurting him.

Ok, but her brother-in-law brings up a great point which is that there are other names in the world. In fact, there are many other names...

Why would you choose the name that your family members will forever associate with the traumatic experience of losing an unborn child? Regardless of whether or not they knew their child's gender, the name is clearly an important part of honoring the memory. Is this name even a name that has a personal association with them like her sister-in-law's ballet tribute? Or, did they just hear the name at Thanksgiving and decide to snag it for the future?

Of course, the jury of internet strangers was eager to weigh in on this family drama. Here's what people had to say:

mm172 said:

YTA (You're the As*hole). No, they don’t own the name. That doesn’t mean they’re wrong that you should reconsider when you’ve clearly known for years that it’s special to them. Especially when the mere fact you’re having this argument shoots a gaping hole in your “pretty unique” reason for picking it, and you don’t seem to have anything especially meaningful to counter that with.

EmptyPomegranete said:

YTA. You named your baby the same name as your BILs DEAD CHILD??? Sure no one “owns” a name but you are being cruel with this. They will see their dead baby every time they look at your daughter. There are millions of names out there and you chose the one that will inflict the most pain on people who you are supposed to love.

PJfanRI said:

YTA. Did you really need us to tell you that? If you weren't aware, your moral compass is so broken that nothing we say would matter. THEIR BABY DIED. And you somehow think it is ok to now co-opt the name because you like the sound of it and they don't even know if they're having a boy or a girl? Asshole doesn't begin to describe you or your husband.

SlinkyMalinky20 said:

YTA. Congrats. You’ve found the one exception to the “you don’t own a name” rule and you’ve broken it.

buttercupgrump said:

YTA They lost their baby and that name is important to them. You've known this for years. What do you gain from naming your living child after their dead one? If the roles were reversed you would be devastated.

Biomax315 said:

There are literally MILLIONS of other names you can choose. Choose one that isn’t going to be a constant painful reminder to a family member for as long as they live. YTA, choose another name.

So, there you have it!

Everyone agreed unanimously here that this couple is completely in the wrong. In fact, it's almost impressive how wrong they are. Good luck, everyone!

Sources: Reddit
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