Woman bails on dinner party over sister-in-law insults 4-year-old daughter, 'she was NOT joking.' AITA?
"AITA for leaving a dinner party after my SIL (sister-in-law) kept insulting me and my daughter?"
I (29F) have a daughter (4F) and my husband (31M). About 2 weeks ago me, my husband, and our daughter were invited to a family dinner party hosted by my SIL (39F). So as normal we arrived at the party and immediately SIL started with the snide comments about me a little sarcasm here or there, nothing I can't handle, but then she started giving digs at my daughter and my family; that, I was not having.
Once we all gathered to eat dinner, my daughter decided she wanted sit next to her grandmother (my MIL). I didn't think this would be an issue since SIL's husband said that the seating was not arranged, anyone could sit anywhere.
When we started eating, SIL noticed that my husband and I were sitting a few seats away from our daughter, because again she wanted to sit with her grandmother, and she was in a different spot in the table from us for whatever reason (and for the record we didn't stick MIL with her, she said she was fine with sitting with her).
So SIL said "isn't it funny how [my name] already sticks [my daughter's name] in daycare and then she can't even sit with her for dinner and instead makes an old women take care of her."
Now, I thought she was joking, so did everyone else because because everyone laughed a bit. Turns out, she was not in fact joking. She then started giving jabs at me, basically just shaming me for being a working mother instead of staying home with our daughter all day. My husband didn't say anything, I'm not sure if he was shocked or he just didn't want to cause a scene, but MIL did.
She defended me and basically told off SIL saying that not everyone has the luxury to stay home all day, and even if that wasn't an issue, she's healthy and happy and it's none of her business how we raise our daughter.
That got SIL pissed and then she started saying stuff that was just so disgusting of her to say. She said "you were so irresponsible the first time that you lost it, and this time the kid's autistic so I think it's about time we stop trusting you to take care of kids."
The entire room just went silent, even my husband said nothing, which at that point I wasn't even willing to hear him out anymore because now his silence was inexcusable.
I immediately grabbed all of our things (plus our daughter) and told my husband that we were leaving and that he would need to find a way home that night. MIL apologized to me (even though she did nothing wrong), made sure I was okay and told me to call her if I wanted to talk about it and after that I just left.
In the 2 weeks after this I've gotten nothing but mean and nasty texts from SIL until I eventually blocked her. My husband and I still aren't on the same level right now, he's pissed that I left him there, I'm pissed for obvious reasons, it's just not the best.
None of this of course is stopping my husband and I from taking care of our daughter. MIL is also of course remaining the absolute angel she is. But I guess I just want to know if I was wrong for leaving my husband there and not hearing him out first. AITA?
Here's what people had to say about this one:
Outrageous-Hippo3725 said:
Interesting how your husband finds his voice when he's using it to scold and attack you. NTA obviously, kind of a silly question.
AnonBr0wser said:
Sooooo…your husband’s pissed you left him there, but not pissed at his sister? I think that tells you all you need to know. NTA, obviously, but your Husband & SIL definitely are.
DeWin1970 said:
NTA, time to tell hubby to go live with your SIL since he apparently has no voice ro defend you.
Temporary_Orchid2102 said:
NTA, your SIL seems to have some serious jealously of sorts or she's just not good in the head...as for your husband, he's the a-hole for not defending you from the start (even before this dinner party as SIL seems to be insulting to you since always), besides...
He's a big boy too and should have left as well in your defense and support. Anyway, I think you and hubby should have a serious talk about SIL behavior and compromise on what actions to take in the future. Thank goodness for your MIL!
CatJarmansPants said:
You were wrong for not punching your SIL's face through the back of her head. You have a far bigger problem however, your husband is just dog crap... Not leaving with you?
Not going utterly f-ing mental at the SiL? Being more upset about travel arrangements than SiL's behavior or your and your daughter's feelings? Red Flag, well, a parade of Red Flags really...NTA.
uncleslam7 said:
NTA. Your SIL called your daughter autistic as an insult and talked crap about your parenting. I'd have left too. Your husband's silence is the real problem though. He should have shut that down immediately.
Useful-Wolverine-467 said:
NTA. Ask hubby "So now you found your voice? Do you feel the same as your sister? Do we embarrass you? I don't know how your angel of a mother produced 2 despicable people as you and your sister!"