Woman bails on traditional family Christmas gathering over $250 White Elephant gift. AITA?
"AITA for not attending my family Christmas gathering because I can’t afford the $250 white elephant gift?"
My (29F) family has a tradition where we do a big Christmas get-together every year, and the highlight is the white elephant gift exchange. It’s always been a fun time, but this year my family decided to raise the price limit to $250 per gift.
I’m honestly a little shocked. I get that inflation has hit, but that’s a lot of money for one gift, especially for something that’s supposed to be fun and quirky, not something super expensive or meaningful. I have a pretty tight budget this year with unexpected medical bills, and just general life expenses.
After paying for all my bills and essentials, there’s barely enough left to get by. The idea of spending $250 on a gift is totally unrealistic for me. Expected to show up for the family dinner and festivities.
I started feeling like I was being pushed out of the tradition because of my financial situation. I told her that, honestly, if I can’t participate in the gift exchange, then I might not come at all. I didn’t want to be the person who has to sit awkwardly and watch everyone else exchange expensive gifts when I couldn’t contribute.
Plus, I didn’t want to feel embarrassed about not meeting their expectations.. My mom thinks I’m being “petty” and that it’s “just one gift.” My dad says I’m overreacting and that it’s not about the price, it’s about the spirit of Christmas (which, to be fair, I do agree with, but still—$250??).
Some of my siblings are saying I should just suck it up and “join in” because it’s about being together, while others are telling me they agree with me but are still going to participate since the majority of the family agreed to this.
There’s approximately 18-25 people in my family that will be there, and we are still expected to get gifts for our family members as well. I really don’t want to make a big scene or cause drama, but at the same time, I feel like this is a massive financial burden that’s being placed on me, and I just don’t know if it’s worth it to show up and feel out of place…So, AITA if I decide to sit this one out?
EDIT:
To clarify $250 is the amount my family “agreed” to when it comes to the cost of the gift. I don’t even think a maximum amount was discussed.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Fuzzy_Shower4821 said:
NTA. Our family has a rule about gifts: take care of the kids. Adults don't swap gifts, for this EXACT reason. We have very well off individuals and some who are on the paycheck to paycheck struggle. Your family is being dumb, and I would stay home, make my favorite comfort food, and do exactly f all
MerlinBiggs said:
NTA. I get it would be very uncomfortable to be the only one who couldn't afford it. Tell your Dad you will come if he gives you the $250.
Witty_Detail_2573 said:
NTA - thats a shockingly big price tag for Xmas white elephant unless you are a lottery winner! Combined with the fact that you have actual gifts to buy, I’d message the whole family on one group chat and say “I’ve been advised the gift amount this year for white elephant is $250.
I can’t afford that so I’m priced out of white elephant this year. Sorry guys. Please take me out of the white elephant list for this year. Have done this on a group chat so no one includes me mistakenly.” Then sit back and watch the chat blow up. Some nanna or aunt will be outraged and kick off for you and I bet this will encourage others to opt out too.
MegC18 said:
Look for a $5 gift in a charity shop that could be $250…an “art work” for example.
petulka_1984 said:
NTA - If any situation makes you uncomfortable don't seek it. And if anyone has a problem with you after you've told them why it causes you stress - lack of empathy. 250 dollars for a gift? Hell no! It sounds like extortion.
I would probably also stay at home. Either they want you there (and could contribute to your present) or they prefer a present and not the person.
LaAndala said:
$250 is steep for any gift but for white elephant, where you don’t even buy something dedicated for one person, it seems about 10x too much. What are people supposed to steal, dyson vacuums and cappuccino machines? Sounds really unfun, unpractical and wasteful. NTA.