Woman says BF can't come on vacation because he uses 'mommy's money.' AITA?
Dating someone from a different financial background can be tricky. Working, entitlement, and spending are not the same for someone that grew up with money. On a popular Reddit thread in the Am I The A**hole Subreddit, a woman has a boyfriend who refuses to work for money.
She writes:
"AITA for not allowing my boyfriend to come with me on a trip since he was about to ask his parents to pay for all expenses?"
My (20F) friends from uni and I have been planning to go on a trip next March since the beginning of this year. Since two of my friends are bringing their partners along with them, I’ve asked my boyfriend (19M) if he wanted to come under the condition that he earned money himself to cover his expenses, including plane tickets and accommodations, which had come around to be around $5,000.
I made this request months ago because I knew he was going to ask his parents for the money to cover the expenses, which they had always given him (like when his brother asked for $3k for a gaming setup and when he asked for $2k so he could have a TV in his room). His family isn't super wealthy, but they are well-to-do.
His mom has tried to ask him to try and get a part-time job during school breaks, to which he has always said he'll try but never gets one. I grew up in a household where we often had to get by and, thus, have worked/been working multiple part-time jobs since I was 16 and had been trying to urge him to get a job with his mother.
A couple of days ago, he told me he wanted to go on the trip with me, which shocked me as I questioned how he was going to raise $5000 since we still have classes and semester break doesn't start till late Feb and he told me he asked his parents and they agreed to help pay for his expenses.
I told him no, I would not allow him to go on the trip with me, and refused to share our itinerary document with him since I made it clear I wanted him to pay for the trip, not 'mommy's money'.
But he told me that this was something I should have zero say over since I was never in charge of how his parents' money. We had a fight over this, and he called me a controlling, manipulative freak before ranting to my friends' partners who were going on this trip with us.
They all agreed I was a little out of line and should have no say over how he raised funds needed. I don't want to rant to my other friends about this since I don't want them to think badly of my boyfriend or me, but it confused me as I have no clue if I'm at fault here. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP.
Futueteipsum7 says:
ESH (Everyone Sucks Here). Your boyfriend has obvious entitlement issues. You're the AH because you're leveraging a vacation to make a point and police your boyfriend's behavior. If his lack of a job bothers you, break up: but don't be in a relationship and then humiliate and exclude somebody into becoming the person you want to date.
fuzzy_mic says:
I'm going with YTA(You're the A**hole). Not because you insisted on him paying for himself, it sounds like self-sufficiency is important to you. But after all these months of knowing the kind of person he is, you are still dating him. It sounds like you are trying to fix him. Stop that and move on to other guys who aren't broken.
laughinglovinglivid says:
YTA. Why do you care how he pays for the trip as long as he’s covering his costs? Your boyfriend is clearly entitled, and that’s his, and his parent’s problem, not yours…nor is it your business.
RatioNo1114 says:
YTA, why does it matter how he pays for his expenses? What if he won some money in the lottery? Would that be ok, or would that not be allowed because he did not work for it? You seem super weirdly controlling for no discernible reason.
OP, it seems the internet thinks you either need to break up with this man or stop worrying about where his money is coming from.