Woman bans brother and SIL from her home; 'Not after the OFFENSIVE LEFTOVERS fiasco.' AITA?
When this woman is weirded out by her brother and SIL, she asks the internet:
"AITA for not inviting my brother and SIL over because of what happened at the last family gathering?"
(F) At our last big family gathering (which included extended family) there was an argument between myself and my brother’s wife.
I was in charge of making up leftover plates for anyone to take home if they wanted. I gave John (my brother) and Lucy (his wife) 3 plates of food including the leftovers of the dishes they brought with them. I gave them to John to put in his cooler in his car before they left.
The next day, I got a call from Lucy asking if I gave my brother the food, which I said I did. She told me there was only one plate that was half empty instead of the 3 plates and 2 tupperware boxes I had actually given my brother. I was confused and said John took them off the counter so ask him.
Well, John told Lucy I had ‘refused’ to give them the extra food and kept it for myself. Lucy was not pleased by this and told everyone in our family that I had ‘stolen’ their food. I maintained my innocence the entire time because this isn’t what happened.
If that was all it was, I wouldn’t have minded but Lucy took it way too personally. She began to insult my body and weight, saying I ‘didn’t need burgers and should have stolen the salad instead’, and said she doesn’t blame me for stealing because I’m so poor and work a dead-end job.
Lucy’s animosity didn’t stop for over a year, and she would always bring it up any chance she got.
I’m the one hosting this year and I have not invited John or Lucy. When they asked why they didn’t receive an invitation, I said ‘are you kidding?’ and hung up. Not the most mature, but I was so shocked at their audacity to ask.
My brother text me to suggest a sit down between myself and Lucy but I didn’t get the point of that since she will always think of me as a villain in this ridiculous story.
It was then that my brother confessed that he ate all the ‘missing’ food in the car and felt so embarrassed by it that he lied to Lucy about me refusing to give them the food. I was in awe.
I knew he had lied but not the details or why he lied. I told him he’s a huge AH here and he needs to come clean to Lucy now. I guess he did because Lucy then called me, apologising profusely.
She said she had no reason to doubt my brother and she was already feeling left out and an outsider so she lashed out. I thanked her for her apology but said I didn’t forgive her- she said so many awful things to me over 2 missing plates of food.
I said they still weren’t invited to the gathering and that they are welcome to host their own (which I obviously wouldn't attend). This made my brother really mad (they were on speaker together).
A few hours later I got some texts from our mum telling me to just 'get over it' and invite Lucy and John. I just put my foot down and said if they show up, they won't be let in my home.
The whole situation was caused a rift in the family. Half are telling me I can't not include my brother and the other half are saying Lucy is a bitch for her comments. Lucy and John are still very mad. AITA?
gaftre writes:
nope, you're not the a-hole here. your brother lied and caused a huge mess, and lucy took it to a really nasty level with her insults.
it’s totally understandable that you don't want them at your gathering after everything that happened. their actions hurt you deeply, and while lucy's apology is a step in the right direction, it doesn't erase the year of cruel comments.
your family should understand that you're setting boundaries to protect yourself. maybe in time things can heal, but for now, you’re justified in not inviting them.
plaethu writes:
NTA. If Lucy had only been mad at you and commenting on the "missing" food, that's one thing. But she was cruel and insulted you personally which is unacceptable.
It's nice that she apologized about the food but what about all the abhorrent things she said about you? Her feeling left out and lied to never excuses how she treated you.
Your brother is a major AH for not only lying to you and his wife but letting her continue to treat you that way for months. The only reason he finally confessed is because there was a consequence to him personally. He doesn't give a crap about you.
And your mom is a piece of work too. She wants you to get over it? How much did she defend you and lay into her son and his wife over the last year for treating your this way? I'm guessing not at all.
Also, instead of making up leftover plates, I would just offer that anyone who brought over a dish can take those leftovers. They don't need everything you're providing, especially since your family is so quick to turn on you over something so trivial.\
newshallot writes:
NTA. Your brother lied to his wife and instead of admitting what he did when she went on the attack he sat back and let her keep going. He let it go an entire year and only came clean after he realized he’d still experience some consequences (no invite).
They can be sorry and you can accept the apology but that doesn’t make it magically go away.
They didn’t get their way and rattled to your Mom and instead of staying out of it now they have her involved in their bs. What did your Mom do while you were being insulted? They’re acting like spoiled toddlers and a time out this year seems appropriate. Maybe by next year you might feel differently but you do t have to.
coralwrut writes:
NTA. People asking why you didn't confront your brother clearly don't get that the issue is not about the missing food. Your brother is a AH for the lie and sitting back for a year while his wife attacked you but the base issue has nothing to do with the food. The issue is SIL's reaction over the food.
She attacked you over two plates of food and held onto that animosity and childish response for a year. Ask SIL if she only apologized because she expected to get invited to the gathering and not because she realized her behavior was way out of line.
For any family saying to just get over it ask them if they felt that Lucy's reaction/behavior seems okay/appropriate to them and if they would have been okay with being treated that way for a year. If they say yes them uninvite them too cuz they don't deserve to be in your home.
festtt writes:
NTA. She was flat out disrespectful to you in countless ways and made this a huge family issue. I personally would demand a full public apology and full admittance of wrongdoing in a family group text as well as all of her social media accounts.
And then there would still be an embargo on them coming to the house for at least 2 more years. Make the punishment for the crime, 1 year of being personas non grata for every plate/container of food that you were wrongfully accused of stealing.