Woman bans first-cousin-once-removed from baby shower, 'I'm NOT changing my mind.' AITA?

"AITA for saying my first-cousin-once-removed can't attend my baby shower?"

Hey! So my baby shower is this weekend. My mom and mother in law are organizing it. They asked me to provide a guest list, which I did, and I made it clear to my mom, from the start, that my first cousin once removed should not be invited.

I (34f) come from a large family where cousins and everyone still get together for birthdays, Christmas, etc. The cousin (29f) in question only attends events when she can benefit in some way, has skipped all my events in recent years, and barely talks to anyone when she does show up.

She doesn't even greet people. Just walks to the furthest chair and disengaged. Still, I've done many things over the years to show I care, but gave up on it about a year ago as it wasn't reciprocated. I've had loads of fertility issues and not once did she show sympathy or ask how things are going.

This week, my mom tells me that the cousin was invited and will be attending my baby shower. Why? Because they had a heart-to-heart (initiated by my mom) and my mom feels it's important to work on relationships instead of creating distance. I was livid. This was my only request on the guest list. I feel betrayed by my mom, and she eventually saw my perspective, and agreed to tell the cousin she can't come.

I thought this was done. Got a message from my cousin yesterday where she expressed regret, said she hopes to fix the relationship, but that she doesn't know if she can change her ways. Now, I get a call from my mom, asking if we spoke and whether I feel the cousin can come tomorrow.

I said no, I'm not changing my mind, and that I was under the impression she already told my cousin. She hasn't. Gave me a speech again about repairing relationships. I told her I'd rather put my energy into the other people there because they actually care. She said she will make the call, but isn't happy about it.

ETA since some people are mentioning being socially awkward, etc. This cousin has previously excluded me from her parties despite inviting other family members. She also sent out save the dates to the entire family and then proceeded to invite only her friends and no one from the family got an invite. These are just 2 examples. AITA for insisting that I don't want my cousin there?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Valuable-Release-868 said:

Tell mom that she can either have cousin at your baby shower or you at your baby shower. Take her pick. NTA.

wanderer866 said:

NTA. If your mom is so intent on repairing this relationship, she can use her own birthday or other event to do it. Your baby shower is about celebrating a new member soon to join your family and you.

OldSaggytitBiscuits said:

NTA, why is your mom meddling in a relationship for you as a fully grown adult? One would think mom wouldn't want to stress you out while pregnant. Does this cousin have nude photos of someone or something? It's your shower, have who you are comfortable with, mom should stay out of it.

cyanidelemonade said:

Between you and your mom you're NTA. But between you and your cousin YTA. You haven't described anything she has actively done to hurt you or other family members. Thinking that's she's rude for not talking to people is one thing, but to exclude her from family events because you don't even want to deal with her quietly being present is pretty harsh.

No_Glove_1575 said:

NTA. Your mom trampled all over your wishes and is meddling via a SPECIAL occasion that you will only have once. She got herself into this mess, she can clean it up. Stand your ground!

MerlinBiggs said:

NTA. Your mum overstepped. Maybe keep her out of arrangements of any future events.