Woman bans husband's family from hosting Thanksgiving, 'his mother blamed me for his cancer.' AITA?

"AITA? My husband has cancer..."

My husband (32m) and I (32f) have been together for 14 wonderful years. 5 years ago my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 of testicular cancer. He beat it after going through chemo, radiation and surgery.

I was with him through it all and worked my butt off to make sure he was financially, physically and emotionally ok. I did my best to be strong for him. My relationship with his family became strained after they attempted to give him holistic medicine and I wouldn’t allow it because it wasn’t doctor approved.

At one point his mother blamed me for his cancer saying I caused it. Anyway, It lead to many stressful months of having to take care of him and dealing with his family, especially since he was staying with his mom since we were renting out a room in a house and it wouldn’t be suitable for him.

Fast forward he beat it, we were able to get married and continued with our lovely life. Unfortunately, he was recently diagnosed with testicular cancer again. We noticed similar changes in his body and took him straight to the ER where they told us the cancer had returned.

He recently started his chemo and this time it is kicking his butt straight from the get go. I’ve been doing my best to help him through it again and making sure he has what he needs. Luckily we have our own home which makes it easier for us to have our peace. His family comes by to help now and then.

His mom still makes snide remarks as to me making sure he eats all the fruit and food she brings. Telling me I need to cook (mind you, I work 40 hrs a week) and I’m juggling house work, cleaning, working, taking care of our fur babies and working on reports for my job. If I’m being quite honest, I’m taking care of everyone but myself-but that’s a story for another day.

During their last visit they told me they would be celebrating Thanksgiving at our home. I was very upset as they invited themselves without even notifying us. I snapped at my brother in law and said “hell no.” He asked if I didn’t want them there and I said “no.”

They claimed to want to make it easier for my husband; however, I don’t want to deal with them while also stressing about taking care of my husband. My husband and I had already talked about going over to their home so if he gets tired we can easily leave and come home to peace.

As I mentioned, my relationship with my mother in law is not good. While having a moment with my husband at the hospital after his surgery, I was reassuring him that I didn’t see him any differently and I loved him deeply (he was sad because he said he wasn’t man enough for me)—she interjected herself when it was supposed to be a moment between husband and wife.

That’s just 1 of the many times that she’s overstepped. I’m trying to understand her as she is his mother but there’s just too much bad history that makes me get anxiety whenever she’s around. AITA for telling his family they are not welcome to host their Thanksgiving at MY house?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Minute_Cold_6671 said:

NTA - even if everybody were healthy, this would be rude af. They're mad you're not unilaterally going along with what they decided, without discussing with you first, when the burden is on you the most. I could maybe, maybe understand if they approached it as "what would be easiest?

For him to travel to us or for us to come to you, and we'll cater/bring the food." But if it was anything other than that approach, you have zero to feel bad about. It's your house, you have a right to say no, period.

Vixxxxx6 said:

NTA. As a stage 4 cancer patient myself there is no way I'd want to host a family gathering at my house while having treatment. I wouldn't want to put the stress of that on my partner to prepare everything and cook either. The guilt of what they're sacrificing for you while you're unwell is already enough without putting that on them too.

He needs somewhere calm and quiet to go back to when he gets tired. Plus being around a lot of people when you have no immune system isn't great. Going to someone else's place at least you can leave if someone has a cold or cough, I think it would cause even more problems if someone turns up to your house, unwell, and they get asked to leave.

Thankfully the people in our life have been incredibly understanding of how stressful going thorough this is and have hosted us for occasions to give us a bit of a break. Having cancer and treatment is hard, caring for and supporting a partner with cancer is hard, I can't understand family wanting to make any moment of it harder. I'm so sorry for everything you're going though. Quite honestly your MiL sounds like a nightmare.

RugbyKats said:

I suspect you’ve been a little TOO kind for 14 wonderful years about his family trampling all over your boundaries. Good on you for taking a stand. Sure, they wanted to make it easier for your husband — but not for you. NTA.

OneMoreCookie said:

NTA even if everyone was healthy and friendly you never invite yourself to throw a party at someone else’s house.

Catinthefirelight said:

NTA. They are, for inviting themselves. You're already pouring from an empty cup while going through this nightmare a second time— you get to do whatever you need to do in order to care for you and your husband's needs. I hope you find some moments of rest and recharge along the way.

Emotional-Hair-1607 said:

NTA The minute MIL said that you caused his cancer would have been the last time she entered my home.

Perfect_Ring3489 said:

Nta. It's a stressful time and you need to do what works for you.

sandpaper_fig said:

NTA. The last thing someone sick needs is a bunch of people invading their quiet, peaceful space.