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Woman bans MIL from holding her baby because she handles her like a bag of rice, husband asks 'why are you cutting out my mom?'

Woman bans MIL from holding her baby because she handles her like a bag of rice, husband asks 'why are you cutting out my mom?'


AITA for telling my MIL she can't hold my baby because she clearly doesn't know how to hold a baby?

Flashy_Variation9648 writes:

My mother-in-law (MIL) is 64 years old, while my husband and I are both 30, and we have a 4-month-old daughter. From day one, I've had an issue with her behavior. When my daughter was 5 or 6 days old, my MIL came to visit, and the way she held my baby was concerning.

She held her face down with her head sideways, supporting her head with only one hand, and no other support. My daughter's legs were pointed up towards my MIL's elbow, and she was swinging her back and forth rapidly, triggering her startle reflex repeatedly while she screamed. Shockingly, my MIL found this amusing.

Despite my objections, she brushed off my concerns, claiming her experience raising four children justified her actions. I made it clear that she was never to hold my daughter like that again and restricted her from holding her until she was 2 months old.

Two months later, the same behavior resurfaced. Upon being allowed to hold my daughter again, my MIL repeated the same actions, flinging her around in the same position. I immediately intervened, expressing my frustration and reiterating that her actions were unacceptable.

I informed both her and my husband that she would not be holding my daughter until she learned to respect my wishes. Although my husband understood my concerns, he was upset about his mother feeling alienated. However, he agreed that my MIL needed to respect my boundaries before being allowed to hold our daughter again.

Despite her previous behavior, I decided to give my MIL another chance after two months of good behavior. Unfortunately, she resumed her aggressive handling of my daughter, causing her to scream and flail in distress.

Once again, my MIL laughed off my daughter's fear and disregarded my concerns. I promptly asked her to leave and informed her that she would no longer be allowed to hold my daughter due to her disrespectful behavior. She reacted angrily and left, declaring that she would not be visiting anymore.

My husband is currently angry with me, accusing me of cutting his mother out over my unfounded fears. He believes that since he and his siblings turned out fine despite his mother's parenting methods, there's no reason to worry.

However, I refuse to compromise on my daughter's safety and well-being. Regardless of her experience raising children, I am not comfortable with my MIL flinging my baby around. AITA?

OP provided some updates:

Just to clarify, my baby is not colicky and rarely cries. When my MIL holds her, however, she screams. Even if my MIL wasn't "doing anything wrong," as a mother with a baby who hardly cries, hearing my baby scream while in her arms is distressing.

OP provided another update:

I want to emphasize that I did not anticipate these issues when marrying into the family. We rarely saw my MIL when we lived over an hour away. However, since moving closer, it has been challenging, and it's apparent that my husband is very attached to his mother.

Here are some of the top comments:

Not-a-Cranky-Panda says:

I wouldn't even let her within a mile. As for your Husband look how he turned out.

MapletheProblem says:

NTA (Not the A%#hole) - you have a husband problem as much as a MIL problem.

Mermaidpaint says:

As someone with lifelong issues due to whiplash, NTA. No, my grandmother didn't fling me around, it was a workplace accident, but still. She could injure your daughter. Let alone the fact that she ENJOYS SCARING YOUR BABY.

ACM915 says:

NTA- you gave the old bag three chances to respect your and your decisions as a parent and she blew it all three times. Your husband needs to grow a real shiny spine and tell his mom. This is not her kid she does not get to say and how the baby is held or fed or anything at all. I would not allow her in your house again.

Beautiful-Report58 says:

Your MIL is weird. Who wants to see their grandchild in distress? Your husband needs to understand just how dangerous the way your MIL is handling your child. Bring him to the next well visit and explain what she is doing so he can hear from the doctor just how dangerous it is. NTA.

What do you think? Is OP right to ban her MIL from holding her baby?

Sources: Reddit
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