"AITA for not wanting my son to call my mother-in-law 'momma?'"
Hi everyone, I (29F) have been with my husband (34M) for 9 years. My relationship with my MIL (let’s call her Cornelia) has never been great. On the surface she’s polite and diplomatic, but she has this way of making little digs at me, always subtle enough that outsiders wouldn’t notice unless they knew me well.
For example, she buys white chocolate as a gift for me, even though she knows that’s my husband’s favorite, not mine. It sounds small, but it’s these kinds of constant little jabs that build up over the years.
My husband and I now have a 2.5-year-old son. When he was born, Cornelia decided she wanted to be called “MaCo” (short for “Mama Cornelia”) by him. I didn’t love the idea, but I went along with it because I want my son to have a relationship with his grandmother. For context, when I was pregnant, she used to call my unborn baby things like “cigarette butt” which I found really hurtful.
Recently, my husband took our son to visit his parents. When they came back, my son suddenly wasn’t calling her MaCo anymore, he was calling her Mama Cornelia. This really bothers me. To me, there’s only one Momma in his life, and that’s me.
I don’t want to be petty, but I also feel like she’s crossing a boundary here, maybe even deliberately. My husband sees where I’m coming from but doesn’t want to rock the boat with his mom. So, AITA for not wanting my son to call my MIL “Momma?"
Here's what people had to say to OP:
bokatan778 said:
NTA. Start referring to her as “granny” at home. Also, your husband is an AH here for not having your back.
Putrid_Magi said:
My own mother wanted to be called "Mini Mom", because she's small in stature. Turns out she was insane. SHUT. IT. DOWN. NOW. Grandma is a perfectly acceptable moniker for a grandmother. NTA.
Equal_Dragonfruit280 said:
NTA - just start calling her granny Cornelia, you will say it more times than she will. The name will stick , don’t budge, and don’t let it continue. Talk to your husband first and often you need to have him onside. It's creepy.
KingBretwald said:
Hello Husband! WHY are you willing to rock the boat with your wife, who is your family now and you should be supporting, but not your mom, who should not be disrespecting your wife this way? Your mother is your past. Your wife and child are your future. Act accordingly. Your wife is NTA but you need to step up so you aren't the AH here. Shine up your spine!
Historical_Bag_5304 said:
NTA - there’s a phrase for the jabs your MIL gives you over time - “death by a thousand paper cuts.” What you are feeling is real. She is an ahole. Anyone who says otherwise has the luxury of not having someone do this to them & doesn’t know how to be empathetic.
Your husband needs to get his mom to stop this behavior by enforcing boundaries. She is a grandmother, not a Mama Cornelia. Plain and simple. It’s overbearing, creepy, and an unfortunate sign of things to come. If she knows she can get away with this, she will keep pushing when other opportunities present themselves.
KingsRansom79 said:
NTA. Absolutely not!! Time to start teaching him to call her Granny or whatever old lady name she hates. There is only room for 1 mama.