"AITA for banning 2 of my nieces from my home?"
My daughter had a party, it was her 13th birthday. She had $200 on her dresser. Lots of cousins were over. Anyway, a few hours later my daughter told me her money was gone. I asked her if anyone went in her room, she gave me 2 names. I told my husband and he said drop it, he would replace the money.
Of course I didn't drop it and confronted one of cousins and her mother. My sister in law got very upset that I was accusing her daughter. I said I wasn't accusing her, I was just asking. The look on the daughter's face, I knew she was guilty. The following weekend I saw my other sister in law with her daughter, I asked them.
My SIL asked her daughter and my niece started crying. She confessed and said it was the other cousin's idea. They did it because they think we are rich, and she wouldn't miss it. I was pissed, I made the girls pay my daughter back (actually the parents). My SIL said it was only $200,and proceeded to say I made that in less than a day.
My response it that is not the point. I banned the girls from my house, it turn out for 3 years. My husband was not happy, he said I was being petty. I told him, I leave money on counters, jewelry laying around. I don't want to worry if they come over and wonder if they are going to steal something again. AITA?
Edit from OP:
The girls were 13 & 14 at the time. If I remember correctly the one that confessed did return to the house sooner then the other cousin. This happened a while ago. The reason I posted was a lot of the cousins were together on holloween and were talking about the situation.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
LionInevitable4754 said:
Nta. I would have done the same thing.
Careless_League_9494 said:
NTA. I wouldn't let thieves back in my house either. Especially not after they stole from my child.
Glinda-The-Witch said:
NTA. When they get caught stealing from the local store, that excuse won’t hold much water when they get hauled into court. Your SIL’s justification is disconcerting. I wouldn’t let them back in your house ever, there’s no remorse. Unfortunately your daughter just learned you can’t trust anyone, not even family.
lurk1897 said:
NTA so because you are well off your money doesn't belong to you? Your money can be taken and it's not a big deal because replacing it doesn't cripple you? Your daughter gets to have her present stolen because your family is envious of you?
Yeah absolutely not. While personally 3 years is about 3x longer than I'd ban them it's your house, your money, your punishments and you're entitled to them.
Wonderful-Set6647 said:
NTA once someone steals from me it’s a no brainer they are no longer allowed back in my home. The fact your sil said it was only $200 and you make that in a day tells me she condones her child’s behavior.
If they had apologized and made the girls responsible then I would say you’re being harsh but since the parents are justifying their actions then they should be banned.
CrocanoirZA said:
The children are emulating their parents. Your SILs comment makes it clear that she believes you have too much wealth. She's probably said this in front of her daughter who then thought it was ok to steal because your family wouldn't miss it. I would ban your SIL. Forgive the kids but don't let money lie around either.
In the comments OP came back with these clarifications:
The reason I don't like posting something like this usually. There is so much more to say that I left out and people interpret the story in their own manner. My husband would die/kill/mane for his firstborn only daughter. She was an only child for 5 years before her brothers came alone. He just didn't want to deal with the situation during the party.
He did talk to his brother later. There was a lot going on at the moment. The 2 SIL did pay my daughter back, I received the money. Also, I need to make a correction I say SIL, but they are actually the wives of my brother-in-laws. In Spanish we have the word con-cuñas, we don't in English, lol. Easier to say SIL.
Anyway, I don't have rosy tint glasses I know exactly who my husband is. , and Yes at times he does drive me crazy with his relationship with his family, but his generosity is extended to my family too. When my grandmother got sick and I started looking for a nursing home, he said she could go live with his parents and they would take care of her. We were just dating at the time, I thought he was crazy.
I said why would you do that for someone you have never met. All he said was because I love you and you love her. Another time my stepmother called, she needed $850 after my father died. I said nope, and he said yes, she needed the help. He said it was only money, we can't take it with us, and things always have a way of working out.
4 Days later I got a check in the mail for $1000, don't remember what it was for. He said see I told you. I could go on with all the things he has done for his family, my family, and his community but I don't what to bore you anymore. I hate to tell you he is the family man that I say he is.