Woman bans roommate's boyfriend from using her shower, 'I SPLURGE on that.' AITA? UPDATED

"AITA for refusing to let my roommate’s boyfriend use my shower?"

So, I (24F) share an apartment with my roommate, Sarah (25F). We generally get along fine, but she has a boyfriend, Jake (26M), who is always over. Like, at this point, I think he actually lives here more than I do.

The issue? Jake refuses to shower at his own place. I don’t know why. He claims his water pressure is bad, but I think he just likes my shower because we have those fancy rain showerheads. Either way, every time he stays over, he uses my bathroom instead of Sarah’s.

At first, I let it slide. But then I started noticing things—my shampoo running out suspiciously fast, my towels being damp when I hadn’t used them, and worst of all, the man was using my expensive eucalyptus body wash. I splurge on that. He smells amazing, but at my expense.

So, last week, I finally put my foot down and told Sarah, “Hey, Jake needs to use your shower from now on.” She got weirdly defensive, saying he “feels more comfortable” in mine. I said, “Great, he can feel comfortable at his own apartment.” She got mad and said I was being dramatic over “just a shower.”

Jake is now sulking, Sarah is annoyed, and I’m wondering—AITA for not wanting my roommate’s boyfriend to treat my bathroom like a luxury spa?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Fragrant-Reserve4832 said:

"At this point I'm going to be speaking to the landlord about how much time he's here and the fact my very reasonable boundary is being disregarded."

Concussed_Celt_ said:

NTA. Seems like a power play is going on. Sarah is DEFINITELY the AH here too.

RugbyKats said:

I read this whole thing thinking your apartment had only one shower, in which case I’d have urged you to put away your expensive stuff and deal with it. The fact that he is not showering in his own girlfriend’s shower is straight up disrespect to you. Put your foot down. NTA.

Special_Lychee_6847 said:

NTA Send roommate a link to a shower head like yours, so her boyfriend can get it to install in her shower... or better yet: HIS OWN shower. Lock your door, too. I'd be disgusted, finding out someone else is using my towels. I don't want to clean my skin with a towel a random bloke used to wipe his balls with after using MY toiletries in MY shower.

Vaaliindraa said:

NTA, get a secure lock and keep your rooms locked when you are not in them. NTA this is rude AF.

PangPinkest said:

Totally NTA, charge him a spa fee next time.

UPDATE:

Well, things have escalated. After my conversation with Sarah, I thought the issue was settled. But nope—Jake decided to test boundaries. A couple of days later, I came home from work to find my bathroom door locked and the shower running. Guess who was inside? Yep, Jake.

I knocked and said, “Hey, what are you doing in my bathroom?” He had the audacity to yell back, “Just showering, I’ll be out in a minute.” Like he lives here! I was fuming. When he finally emerged, wearing my towel, I lost it. I told him straight up that this was my space and that he had no right to use it without my permission.

Sarah, instead of backing me up, said I was “making a big deal out of nothing” and that I should “just share.” I told her that if Jake wants access to a rain showerhead so badly, he can install one at his own place.

The next day, I went full petty mode and put a lock on my bathroom door (as some of you suggested). Sarah flipped out, saying I was being extreme and that I was “ruining the dynamic.”

I told her that Jake had ruined the dynamic when he started treating my stuff like his own. Now, Jake refuses to come over unless I “relax” and Sarah is acting like I’m a tyrant. I’m standing my ground, but the apartment is tense. Did I go too far?

Here's what top commenters had to say about the update:

lmchatterbox said:

NTA. They are not respecting your space or your belongings.

shelltrice said:

NTA and I would not be renewing a lease with this roommate.

BestFun5905 said:

NTA, Good he stopped coming over. He thought he was living in a commune, good riddance.

Holiday-Top-1504 said:

Nta. And good riddance. He can keep his dirty A at his house in HIS shower. Not yours.

maroongrad said:

NTA. Lock on your bedroom door too. You need them completely out of your stuff before she starts "borrowing your lingerie." Probably because he'd go through your stuff, find it, and give it to her to "borrow." He's already shown who he is. Lock on the bedroom too at this point, and put up a cam if you don't.

QHAM6T46 said:

NTA. Good for you! Jake and Sarah are massively taking the piss. I mean, its one thing to use your bathroom when you've said no - but then to use your stuff as well? It's all a massive invasion of privacy. I salute your shiny spine!