Woman bans sister's wedding over 'cruel' jokes about her recovery. AITA? 'Don't let her near the wine.'

"AITA for not wanting to go to my sister’s wedding because her fiancé makes cruel jokes about my recovery?"

So I (32F) have been sober for just over two years now. I was an alcoholic and also struggled with addiction for a few years before I hit rock bottom and got my life together. It’s been a rough road, but I’m proud of the progress I’ve made. I’m in a much better place now, and more importantly, I’ve been able to be a better mom to my son.

Here’s where things get tricky. My sister (28F) is getting married in a few months to this guy, Mike (33M). I’ve never been a huge fan of him, to be honest. He’s got this really crass sense of humor and always makes these awful “jokes” about my past. At family dinners or get-togethers, he’ll say stuff like, “Careful, don’t let her near the wine” or “Hey, we gotta make sure there’s no drugs at the wedding, right?”

It’s always said in this joking tone but it feels so mean, and it really hurts because my recovery is something I take very seriously. I’ve asked him a few times to stop making these comments, and he just brushes it off like it’s no big deal. “I’m just joking, lighten up,” he says. My sister just laughs along with him and says, “That’s just Mike, don’t take it to heart.”

But the thing is, it’s hard not to take it to heart. I’ve been through hell and back to get sober, and my past is not something I’m proud of. Every time he makes one of these jokes, I feel like I’m being dragged back into that dark place I fought so hard to leave behind.

I’ve tried talking to my sister about it, but she’s totally dismissive. “You’re being too sensitive,” she says. “Mike’s just trying to have fun, don’t make a big deal out of it.” My parents are on her side too. They think I should just suck it up and go to the wedding, that I’m making too much of it and should just laugh along for the sake of family harmony. They keep telling me it’s “just a joke” and to stop being so dramatic.

But it’s not funny to me. I don’t think it’s fair that I have to sit there and be mocked for one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. And honestly, I’m scared being around that atmosphere at the wedding could make me want to drink again. I’m proud of my sobriety, but it’s still fragile, and I know being around people who don’t understand what I’ve been through is hard for me.

So now, I’m considering not going to the wedding. My sister is furious and says I’m being selfish for making her big day about me. My parents think I’m overreacting, and that I should just let Mike’s comments slide for the sake of family peace. But why should I have to be around someone who constantly makes me the butt of the joke over something so painful?

I don’t want to cause a rift in my family, but I also don’t want to put myself in a position where I feel unsafe emotionally. AITAH for not wanting to go to my sister’s wedding because her fiancé’s jokes hurt too much, and no one in my family is standing up for me?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Candid_Process1831 said:

NTA! Your future BIL semms to be the biggest AH! Disapointing that your sister and parents don't have your back, they should be far more understanding of the situation but unfortunately thats life sometimes! Keep your head up and keep going whis you the best!

Mochisaurus_rex said:

NTA. Ask him awkward questions and he will stop (if he is smart enough) e.g., “Why shouldn’t I go near the wines?”…“Why would there be drugs at your wedding?” Whatever he responds with, you can then say, “Why would you think my addiction is something to speak lightly of?”

If your sister and your parents get upset about YOU making things “awkward”, you can let them know that you’ve been sitting through his comments for awhile and they are being horrible parents/sister for enabling his behavior, especially since they witnessed how the addiction impacted you. BIL should be told that you don’t make “jokes” out of other people’s suffering.

Temporary_Analysis55 said:

NTA, why does your family suck so much?! I mean addiction is not fun for people experiencing it and there can be serious negative impacts on loved ones; I could understand if your experience had negative impacts on Mike specifically, but it sounds like he is just an AH and your family just...enables his crappy behavior.

Recovery is NOT EASY, you’re amazing, you deserve having your hard work celebrated and supported by the people who are supposed to love you. People who care, don’t prioritize their “good intentions” over the interpretation or impact of their words in other people. That’s a gross way to relate to others, Mike sounds like the king of the D-bags.

Proud-Geek1019 said:

“For the sake of family peace” someone - preferably your sister - needs to put BIL in his place. He has no right to disrupt your peace. You’ve worked hard. Be proud. F him and anyone supporting his bullying - because that’s what it is.

Open-Incident-3601 said:

NTA. Attend the ceremony, leave the reception. At the first crack out of his mouth you say, “Even on the happiest day of your life you have to put me down for a past I can’t change?” clear enough to be heard by everyone near you. And then you gather your kid and leave.

Ghostgirl177 said:

NTA. Find his secrets and push his buttons. I find that family members don’t want to rock the boat & will put pressure on the most reasonable person in the situation. & don’t go to the wedding. Time to be very stubborn and unreasonable.

Far-Initiative-3303 said:

NTA for skipping the wedding. Next time he makes one of these 'jokes' and someone says it's a joke say oh sorry I misunderstood, I thought jokes were funny not to humiliate someone about their darkest times.

paintlulus said:

NTA. He will really lay it on thick humiliating you to the point when it’s almost impossible to stay sober bc it’s his day. Don’t go. He’s a bully and your sister is making a huge mistake.