'AITA for billing my fiancé for the money he owes me after he requested a prenup?'
"AITA for billing my fiancé for the money he owes me after he requested a prenup?"
My Fiancé and I are high school sweethearts. We lived together about 3.5 yrs in college - but I left him cause the last 2 yrs - he quit his job, complained nonstop about failing classes, but did nothing but sleep and play video games, didn’t pay his share of bills- but expected me to do all cleaning and cooking while working 2 jobs and school full time.
Then was mean to me. Time passes. He attends therapy, graduates, stabilizes, and honestly became such a good man. We reconnect and date again. Life happens and we end up in different cities due to work. We are now engaged. He is under contract so it’s expected I move with him.
He also just bought a house, cause his mortgage for a 3 bed, is cheaper than he was paying for a 1 bed apt. He put 15k down. We talked about me paying $900 a month towards bills which I had no issue with at first.
He mentions getting a prenup. This rubs me the wrong way. I understand wanting to protect assets, but like we have been together since 15, and well if we put tally marks to it - he owes me money? I would have to relocate and find a new job in his town which the only reason I’d go there is for him?
I agreed, but told him we need to settle his “debts” with me, and have an established leasing agreement. This offended/made him super upset. We have a notarized contract because I took out $10k in loans after he lost his scholarships one semester and was denied approval. Despite it, I have been paying and never asked for money back before now.
His car cost $6k and I “loaned” him $2.5k of it. Never got a dime back, although he said he would pay it back- I never really pressed it though. I paid almost all bills for 2 yrs after he had quit his job. I didn’t ask for any back, but I sure as hell pointed it out.
And I decided that it would only be fair for me to pay for a market room rate. We live in the south and that’s $500-$650 utilities included. I also started requesting 1/2 of vet bills as “kitty support” since one of our cats has diabetes.
He has taken the changes as a champ, but I can tell he is super stressed out and sad. He literally makes double what I make at the moment, but I know he never expected or maybe even remember all the costs I’ve bitten for this relationship.
I feel guilty cause I never committed with expectations of it being returned- so when he suggested it idk why I felt salty- then I go a list of my costs which hurt him and idk. Am I an ahole? Did I go to far?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
I think your request was totally reasonable. If he wants a prenup, you need to even the score first. I don’t understand how he expects you to not be offended by the prenup, while simultaneously being hurt by your request for what you are owed.
He owes her 10k in a notarized contract not to mention the rest . Seems like she put down 10 K of.the deposit on his house.
I said, this looks like so much baggage for the start of your marriage. Maybe you should be rethinking your relationship, you broke up with him once.
I’m sorry, maybe I am the AH. But, this doesn’t really seem like a great relationship. Personally, I’d leave.
GreenTravelBadger said:
NTA, do not marry this clown. You are going to be left holding the bag, pre-nup or not.
pattern_thimble said:
NTA struggling to see why you would marry this loser who exploits you and doesn't pay you back. Good people pay their debts without being hassled.
Cannabis_CatSlave said:
NTA. Sounds like you put your half of the house money down paying for his education. Tally it up and get a lawyer to write up a contract that forgives the debt in lieu of equity in the house. He doesn't sound like someone I would uproot my life and move to a different state for, but if love is enough of a reason for you, good luck.
AlienGoddess91 said:
Idk, he doesn't sound like a good guy. NTA.
soph_lurk_2018 said:
NTA but you are one to yourself. This doesn’t sound like a good guy. He sounds selfish and takes advantage of you. He hasn’t changed.
My mother taught us not to date or marry a man or woman who is stingy with money or is always borrowing without repayment. She always said if they're stingy with money, they will be stingy with love, affection, and your well-being. She also taught us not to be a spendthrift. Lessons well learned. Run