My Fiancé and I are high school sweethearts. We lived together about 3.5 yrs in college - but I left him cause the last 2 yrs - he quit his job, complained nonstop about failing classes, but did nothing but sleep and play video games, didn’t pay his share of bills- but expected me to do all cleaning and cooking while working 2 jobs and school full time. Then was mean to me.
Time passes. He attends therapy, graduates, stabilizes, and honestly became such a good man. We reconnect and date again. Life happens and we end up in different cities due to work. We are now engaged. He is under contract so it’s expected I move with him.
He also just bought a house, cause his mortgage for a 3 bed, is cheaper than he was paying for a 1 bed apt. He put 15k down. We talked about me paying $900 a month towards bills which I had no issue with at first.
He mentions getting a prenup. This rubs me the wrong way. I understand wanting to protect assets, but like we have been together since 15, and well if we put tally marks to it - he owes me money? I would have to relocate and find a new job in his town which the only reason I’d go there is for him?
I agreed, but told him we need to settle his “debts” with me, and have an established leasing agreement. This offended/ made him super upset. We have a notarized contract cause I took out 10k in loans after he lost his scholarships one semester and was denied approval. Despite it, I have been paying and never asked for money back before now.
His car cost 6k and I “loaned” him 2.5k of it. Never got a dime back, although he said he would pay it back- I never really pressed it though. I paid almost all bills for 2 yrs after he had quit his job. I didn’t ask for any back, but I sure as hell pointed it out.
And I decided that it would only be fair for me to pay for a market room rate. We live in the south and that’s $500-650 utilities included. I also started requesting 1/2 of vet bills as “kitty support” since one of our cats has diabetes.
He has taken the changes as a champ, but I can tell he is super stressed out and sad. He literally makes double what I make at the moment,but I know he never expected or maybe even remember all the costs I’ve bitten for this relationship.
I feel guilty cause I never committed with expectations of it being returned- so when he suggested it idk why I felt salty- then I go a list of my costs which hurt him and idk. Am I an ahole? Did I go to far?
NTA. “I feel guilty cause I never committed with expectations of it being returned.” You had a promissory note for the $10k loan. You reminded him multiple times that you were covering all of the bills. You were working 2 jobs and going to school and doing all of the chores for 2 whole years! Not only did he do nothing to fix that situation, but he was mean to you!”
It didn’t work out the first time because he took advantage of you so badly that you felt you had no choice but to leave, knowing that he owed you a ton of money that you probably wouldn’t get back.
Sure, he got therapy and got a good job, but instead of being thankful to you for even taking him back, the first thing he does is ask for a prenup? Even though most states consider assets bought prior to marriage to be considered non marital assets. He had no problem protecting himself, yet he’s now got a problem when you bring up the fact that he owes you a ton of money?
My advice…Get the money back. Don’t marry him. This man may have changed some things, but he had ni choice because you left and stopped footing the bill. He still doesn’t appreciate you.
He’s still the same person. I guarantee you’re still doing all of the household chores and if you complain, I’d bet that he says he makes more money so you should do more around the house. Dude has shown you who he is once. Don’t let it get to the point where he shows you again.
NTA, do not marry this clown. You are going to be left holding the bag, pre-nup or not.
NTA struggling to see why you would marry this loser who exploits you and doesn't pay you back. Good people pay their debts without being hassled.
NTA. Sounds like you put your half of the house money down paying for his education. Tally it up and get a lawyer to write up a contract that forgives the debt in lieu of equity in the house. He doesn't sound like someone I would uproot my life and move to a different state for, but if love is enough of a reason for you, good luck.
Idk, he doesn't sound like a good guy. NTA.
NTA but you are one to yourself. This doesn’t sound like a good guy. He sounds selfish and takes advantage of you. He hasn’t changed.