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Woman 'blows up' on family for coming 30 mins late to her birthday dinner; asks, 'AITA?'

Woman 'blows up' on family for coming 30 mins late to her birthday dinner; asks, 'AITA?'


What do you do when your family decides to arrive more-than-fashionably late to your birthday because your cousin was having a BBQ?

So, when a conflicted birthday girl needed to vent to the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As%hole' about her reactions to her family's tardiness on her birthday, people were ready to weigh in.

"AITA for blowing up on my family after they came 30 min late to my birthday dinner?"

I turned 25 yesterday. The most disappointing birthday I’ve ever had. I didn’t make any plans for the actual day because it’s a Wednesday, but planned to throw a party at my house with my friends and family this Saturday.

For the actual day I still went to work and everything was normal, but I wanted something simple so I asked my family (mom, dad and brother) the night before to go out to dinner with me at a nice restaurant I’ve been wanting to try.

I confirmed a time that would work for everyone and made the reservation for 7:30pm. My dad called to wish me a happy birthday and tried to convince me to go to my cousin's house, who happened to be throwing a bbq of some sort.

I said I’d rather not because I really wanted to try this restaurant and just wanted to celebrate with them, it’d feel really weird for me going to a party of some sort when it happens to be my bday and the attention I would get would be in genuine bc nobody at the bbq realized it was my birthday.

My dad says 'ok no problem.' This was a nice restaurant that are very strict with reservations so I looked really nice and arrived right on time.

My mom, who has not acknowledged it was my birthday calls me and says her and my dad are still at the house and need to shower and get ready, but my brother is on the way to meet me there so we should order appetizers.

5 min later my brother calls me and tells me he’s going to be late as well, that he’s also at the house and I should get the table myself. Now I know this restaurant was not going to seat me without my whole party, and after a certain time they’d give the table away.

I couldn’t take it anymore so I hung up on my brother, parked at a building near by and cried. I was so upset I declined all his and my mom's calls.

At 8pm 30 min after the reservation, my family pull up behind my car so I can’t back out and surrounds my car. I’m in shock bc I purposely parked at a random building, but forgot my brother has my location on find my friends.

So they surround the car, and start talking about what a long day everyone has had and how I should come with them to find a restaurant that will take us. I tell them I’ve been crying, mascara running all down my face and do not want to be out in public or with them.

My dad says I don’t look upset and my mom keeps telling me to calm down. They were not understanding that this wasn’t a “haha ok I’m overreacting” situation so I had to basically yell at them that it was too late and to leave me alone.

They left and went to my cousin's house. I got whattaburger on my way home and ate it myself.

I was still so upset I barely slept, and texted the family groupchat they ruined my birthday and I didn’t want them coming to my party Saturday. I’m still so upset this morning. AITA?

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this one...

Sorry_I_Guess said:

NTA. They were incredibly rude and thoughtless. You asked very little of them - a nice family dinner at a restaurant you were really looking forward to trying - and they treated you like an afterthought, made you lose your reservation, and then didn't even care enough to be apologetic after ruining the only thing you wanted for your birthday. I would have been so hurt if I were you. I'm so sorry they did that.

sharirogers said:

NTA. It was very rude of them to brush off your emotions like that. The fact is, they really wanted to go to the cousin's BBQ instead of your birthday dinner, so that's why they tried to get you to go with them.

It's also very worrisome to me that a 25yo woman's brother (or any family member) has a locator for her on his phone. They like to keep tabs on you for some bizarre reason, and you need to put a stop to it.

Ellie_Reads_Romance said:

NTA. Your parents and brother didn't show up; after showing up like a bunch of clowns they should have been profusely apologetic but instead tried to deflect their sh!tty actions and push you into something that was never going to be celebratory for you.

Doenut55 said:

I mean.. I get it, but I'm going to say ESH. By 25, it's pretty much all birthdays are diminishing till the end. If you wanted to make it a higher priority it should have been communicated much earlier.

Your family tried to make amends and do the dinner. 30 minutes late by 8pm isn't even that late. I feel you could have still gone to eat but decided it wasn't about the food. Make up aside, it really feels like it was salvageable.

I've had family be hour(s) late. So I took initiative to say we start at 6pm when it's really 7pm. Just depends on how much you want them to be there. But crying after half an hour, refusing to salvage it, and going to group chat is (to me) attention seeking for drama. They shouldn't have been late.

AndrijKuz said:

Mostly YTA. You didn't want to go to another function because the attention wouldn't be all on you? And then they still showed up, and wanted to go with you to a place they could fit in?

These are adults in the middle of the week, and it can be hard to coordinate things. Part of growing up is accepting you're not always going to have time for kid-style birthday parties. And you already had another birthday party planned? And you made these plans on short notice?

You're being a bit unreasonable here. And as others have mentioned, your reaction was not an adult reaction. No offense, but you come across as a bit of a diva or a narcissist about this.

So, there you have it...

While the opinions were certainly divided for this one, most people thought that everyone involved was in the wrong. Of course it was rude and disrespectful for her parents to be late, but treating an adult birthday like the Met Gala is a bit dramatic. Hopefully this family can work it out over some belated cake.

Sources: Reddit
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