Woman boycott's boyfriend's sister's wedding, 'she NEVER apologized.' AITA?

"AITA for refusing to go to my boyfriend's sister's wedding because of how she treated me when I was unemployed?"

I (26F) have been dating my boyfriend Dan (30M) for 3years. For the most part things have been great between us. He's kind, supportive, and we live together in a rented apartment while saving for a house. Last year, I got laid off due to budget cuts at my company.

I work in marketing, and it took me a few months to land something new. During that time, I was unemployed, freelancing here and there, and being careful with money. Dan was incredibly supportive and reassured me constantly that we will be okay. The issue came from his sister Megan.

I met her a few times before the layoff and we got along alright not besties but polite But during my unemployment she completely changed her attitude towards me. She started making comments like, "must be nice sit around all day while the rest of us work. So are even trying to find a job or just living off Dan?"

Dan's too nice he needs someone more stable. She said this things in front of others, including Dan, who usually just brushed it off like that's just how Megan jokes. I asked him several times to talk to her about it, but he kept saying he didn't want to start drama. So I started pulling back from family events to avoid her. Anyway I found a new job a few months later. Good pay, full time, remote all good news.

Megan never acknowledged it or apologized. Fast forward to this summer. Megan is getting married in October and sent us invitation. Dan assumed we'd go but I told him I wasn't comfortable attending. I said I don't want to sit through a day of someone who was cruel to me during a hard time and never showed any remorse.

Dan thinks I'm being petty and says it's one day and for the sake of family, can't you just let it go? He said it reflects poorly on him if I don't show up, and now Megan is telling everyone I'm self centered to support family milestones. I told him he's free to go but I'm not going.

Now he's acting distant and says he's disappointed in me. So...AITA for refusing to go to my boyfriend's sister's wedding because of how she treated me while I was unemployed?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Mobile_Scarcity_7948 said:

"He’s kind and supportive….” and doesn’t stick up for you and let’s his sister disrespect you (saying that’s just how she jokes) and wants you to allow yourself to be a punching bag for his sister who sounds awful. Have you heard the phrase “you marry the family?" Is this the family dynamic you want? No, you are not the ahole. Your boyfriend and his sister are.

shivroystann said:

Your boyfriend doesn’t sound as great as you paint him to be. Nta. Stick to your boundaries.

Ok_Breakfast9531 said:

NTA. But you don't have an SIL problem, you have a boyfriend problem. It is HIS responsibility to set the example for how HIS family is to treat you. He refused to set a limit with his sister, or call her to account. Which means he does not care about how his family treats you. It is OK with him for them to treat you badly.

Explain to your boyfriend that he had best set the record straight with his family about why you were not there, take responsibility for failing to set a limit with his sister, or expect to not have you in his life anymore.

This is not hyperbole. The number one thing a serious partner needs to do is to stand between their family and their partner. If it is a serious relationship headed toward marriage, "us against the world" must be the mindset of both partners. If it is NOT there, the relationship will fail. Guaranteed. Set this limit now unless you want years of him prioritizing his family over you.

Public-Proposal7378 said:

NTA, but what do you expect? He let his sister disrespect you. Did you really think he’d side with you over anything?

Runneymeade said:

NTA. So he couldn't bring himself to criticize his sister and set boundaries with her, but he has no problem criticizing you and punishing you? Wtf?! Girl, just dump him.

Magdi1951 said:

Your boyfriend needs to grow a backbone and defend you. RED flags.

merishore25 said:

NTA. I would have a conversation with him that you are also disappointed in him for not putting a stop to her behavior. The truth is you would be going if he had addressed the issue when you asked him to.