Woman boycotts brother's wedding, calls bride's rules 'stupid,' 'it looked horrendous.' AITA?
"AITA for not wanting to attend my brother’s wedding, and for calling my SIL's rules 'stupid?'"
I'm 27F dentist and my brother 32M and his soon wife 27F are getting married in less than 2 months. Let’s call my SIL Abby. Abby and I never had a relationship of our own. We definitely don’t hate each other but we are not besties. We just exist in eachother's presence.
I noticed that in the invitation to their weeding that Abby requested the dress code to be all women in the wedding to wear off the shoulder dresses, suits or anything just off the shoulder. Doesn’t matter the color or the sequence unless it is off the shoulder.
Now as I said I am a dentist and as many people already know dentists may not have the best back/shoulder posture ever. And I'm not an exception and I always tend to wear outfits that do not emphasize that part of my body.
Now the type of clothing this dress code requires someone with a good back posture, because that’s the emphasis. I totally lack that, and yes I did try one dress off the shoulder and it looked absolutely horrendous.
So I asked if I the dress code is really that important and if I have to abide it but my brother told me Abby stressed on this dress code so much. And Abby was like if she “leeways” me, she has to leeway everyone (I was kinda baffled that so much importance was placed on a certain type of clothing with no explanation given).
I went with my friend shopping, hoping I’d find one that I looked not so clownery in. I tried on so many different fits, looked like sh%t in all of them. So I told my mother since they are so attached to that dress code then I think the best option here for me is to not go. So I wouldn’t ruin their organization and I wouldn’t have nightmares about how awful I looked in that event.
But my mum got mad at me and said I'm being dramatic for not wanting to be there for brother and family just for a dress. I told her I want to attend but I also want to look good and feel pretty and they are sticking to such a stupid rule that they can’t provide a meaning. Regardless I respected that and decided not to ruin their image of how they want their wedding.
My mum said my absence will also ruin things because the guests will wonder why the sister is not attending when I'm healthy. I told her well the guests will also wonder why I look like I could be the guy of hunchback Notre Dame (okay I'm not that bad but you get the gist here) My mum is still mad at me (haven’t told my brother and SIL yet).
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Foggy_Radish said:
NTA. So are all the 90yo grannies going to be wearing off the shoulder outfits????????? As a granny myself, this is freaking horrifying.
Peony-Pony said:
NTA Wedding guests are not an aesthetic. They are not flowers, table cloths, napkins or party favors. If someone told me I had to wear a specific style of dress as a guest, it would be the easiest RSVP with regrets I ever made.
The wedding culture has gotten out of hand completely. Your brother and his fiance are wrong and completely unreasonable. Good hosts make their guests welcome. Your brother and his wife to be are not good hosts.
C_Majuscula said:
NTA, but I think that guest dress codes that are this specific are pointless and rude. No white for a western wedding and general guidance (e.g. black tie, white time, formal, etc.) should be the end of it.
naranghim said:
NTA. The bride does not get to dictate the style of dresses the guest wears. She only gets to dictate the type of dress code, be it white tie, black tie, black tie optional, cocktail, semi-formal or casual. Telling women they have to wear a specific type of dress, i.e. off the shoulder, is way too controlling. Abby needs to get a grip and realize she's being rude and demanding.
archetyping101 said:
NTA. As a queer masc woman, I would not be comfortable wearing anything off shoulder. So I would decline the invitation as well. Abby has made it clear that she thinks it's a slippery slope for making exceptions for people, so it would only be respectful to decline.
I TOTALLY understand weddings with colors or a style theme like 90s pop or Casino Royale or whatever, but to specifically ask women do off shoulder? Hard pass. She is 100% entitled to ask whatever she wants since it's her wedding and you're 100% in your right to decline. Is the "off shoulder rule" stupid? I think so. But hey, it's her wedding and you're not going. Just send your regrets and a gift and that's it.
Jazzlike_Property692 said:
NTA. I would not go to a wedding where the required attire makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable. It sounds like you tried to entertain this idea and be generally reasonable, but their demands are ridiculous.