Woman boycotts sister's overseas wedding, 'my mother is emotionally blackmailing me.' AITA?
"AITA if I don't go to my sister's overseas religious wedding?"
I (35F) am very low contact with my younger sister (28F), the Golden Child. She got married legally last year in a destination wedding + holiday (beach destination in our state) paid for by our parents.
I paid my own way; parents paid for sister + BIL's flights, accommodation, sister's dress and entire wedding. I delayed the start of my new job to go, and was unpaid during this trip.
I didn't enjoy it but endured because my parents demanded I attend. I didn't expect to be invited, to be honest, and doubt I would have been had my parents not been holding the money bag.
To clarify, I have no ill will towards my sister. She's found a good man and I'm happy for her. I gave the happy couple a generous cash wedding gift. As far as I'm concerned, I've discharged my duty as her sister.
In the meantime, she's had her husband convert to our family's religion and now plans to have a religious wedding overseas in our family's country of origin.
He converted locally. They have a religious community they're part of locally. They've lived together for 4 years and co-own an apartment. They could have had one wedding, religious and legal combined; there was no rush regarding the timing of the legal wedding.
In my view, this is just a way for them to get yet another holiday out of my parents. The financial choices my parents make are their own and none of my business. I don't need their money, and don't make any claim to it.
That being said, I don't feel obligated to spend my money taking time off work and traveling overseas to attend my sister and BIL's second wedding/holiday.When I thought about it, I realized I would rather be at work; I enjoy being at work more than time in my sister's company.
My mother is trying to emotionally blackmail me into going with the classic "...what will the family think?!" I don't care what the family will think. If I'm taking time off work, and spending money, I want it to be on something I want to do and will enjoy. I've already discharged my duty in attending her wedding. So, AITA?
Here's what people had to say about this one:
Greygal_Eve said:
Simply respond "What will the family think about her having TWO weddings?" Sounds like not just a cash grab for a vacation but also a gift grab to me." NTA.
AZDarkknight said:
NTA - It's not a wedding, they are already married. You've done your part already. You have work, you have commitments, cant get the time off, your vacation time is already booked etc, but I personally would just say no, end of discussion, please do not bring it up again mother or I will hang up/walk away.
ChocolateM1lk1e said:
Nah, NTA. Your family is unreasonable to expect you to pour your money down the drain to go to a second wedding for a couple you already attended for. There are other ways to support your sister.
FabulousTrick8859 said:
NTA. You've done your bit. I bet there will be quite a few people who went to the first but won't go to the second, attending one destination wedding is expensive enough! Just remember that no is enough and you don't need to keep going over reasons.
Intelligent_Read_697 said:
NTA, and when your mother asks about the family think then tell them that you will just share everything about the golden child dynamics in your family and no longer want to be part of that toxicity.
diminishingpatience said:
NTA. You're old enough to make your own choices and your parents are old enough to live with the consequences of theirs.
KnightofForestsWild said:
NTA If the family is anything like me they will think narcissists don't get a wedding (celebrate MEEEEE! parties) every year and that I'd pass on sending a gift or even a card.
Keely369 said:
NTA, but you will be painted as one. If it's easier, come up with an excuse, like not being able to get time off work.
Deep-Okra1461 said:
NTA. You already attended their wedding. Any extra weddings they want to take on are not something you are obligated to attend. If the overseas wedding is the important one then it should have been the first one. Your mom's concern about image is her problem, not yours.