Woman breaks up with BF, 'only lazy women don't work and stay at home after having a baby.' AITA?
"AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend after he said only 'lazy' women stay at home after having a baby and don’t work?"
So my boyfriend and I were talking about the future, and somehow the topic of stay-at-home moms came up. Out of nowhere, he went on a rant about how only "lazy" women stay home with their kids instead of going back to work. He said things like, "It’s not that hard to do both," and that moms who stay home are just "making excuses" and "refusing to contribute."
I pushed back, trying to explain that raising a child is literally a full-time job and that a lot of families decide to have one parent stay home because it makes sense for them. But he cut me off and said, "That’s not how it works, you’re just lazy."
At that point, I realized we had completely different values, and I didn’t want a future with someone who thought like that. So I told him I couldn’t be with someone who had such little respect for stay-at-home moms, and I broke up with him.
He got super defensive, saying I was "overreacting" and "twisting his words," but I wasn’t about to argue over something so fundamental. Now, some of our mutual friends are saying I was too harsh and should’ve just let it go since "it’s just his opinion."
But to me, this wasn’t just an opinion, it was a major red flag about how he views women, relationships, and parenting. AITA for ending things over this?
EDIT:
I have thought for a long time before posting here. Also, thank you so much for the nice comments. It makes me feel a lot better about the situation.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Green_Poet_5510 said:
You need new friends as well as a new boyfriend. Well done to stand by your beliefs, good luck.
Hawaiianstylin808 said:
Why would you stay in a relationship with someone like that? Good on you. Your mutual friends are welcome to date him and his “opinions." NTA.
Accomplished_Dark574 said:
Nta. And if anyone presses you, have them look at the cost of infant childcare 50 hours a week in your area. If that's not tangible proof of the value of stay at home moms IDK what is.
The only way to both work without daycare is opposite shifts, so then you never see your spouse and frankly- does your career have a second shift? Most don't. So you'll be forced off your career path into a job you don't want bc it works with the schedule.
ZealousidealPie2170 said:
I am so proud of you for recognizing this huge red flag and being proactive! I feel you literally saved yourself from someone who would try to suck the life out of you.
ValleySparkles said:
NTA. It's not just his opinion to you - it's his plan for his relationship and family which you have a choice of whether to be part of or not. I definitely agree that it strikes me as misogynistic. The fact that he is calling stay-at-home MOMS specifically lazy and not approaching it by suggesting that of course HE would be happy to do most of the childcare and home maintenance...
...while keeping his job suggests the stance of "I will decide that any task assigned to women is easy without ever having to execute it and find out if it's easy." But the details of his logic (or cruelty) don't matter.
What matters is he expressed a plan for a relationship you don't want to be part of. This doesn't have to be about judging or punishing him (however valid that is). It's just about you leaving a relationship that doesn't work for you.
LilyMorn said:
NTA. He showed you his true colors. Don't let anyone tell you that you overreacted. That wasn't a casual comment, it was a glimpse into his fundamental beliefs. You deserve someone who respects all the work that goes into raising kids. And anyone calling you harsh clearly doesn't get it.
burner_suplex said:
NTA. If you had had children with him, he definitely would have been sitting on his ass complaining about being tired while you changed poopy diapers and did 3 am feedings while working 40 hours a week. You got out of there before it got to that point. Forget a bullet, you dodged a rocket.