Woman breaks up with boyfriend, 'he spent ALL DAY with girls without telling me.' AITA?

"AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend because he went on a bachelor’s trip and spent all day with girls without telling me?"

I (24f) broke up with my boyfriend (30m) over something that happened during his bachelor’s trip. Before he left, we had a conversation about open communication, especially since I knew he would be talking to women and possibly partying.

I told him I just wanted to be kept in the loop if he was heading out to clubs or hanging out with girls. I wasn’t expecting him to be glued to his phone 24/7, just basic updates.

The first night, everything went as planned. They went to dinner and the club, and he kept in touch with me, which I appreciated. But then, the next day, they went to a sandbar, and he started taking hours to respond to me.

His replies were short, and when I asked if there were any girls with them, he ignored that part completely. Two hours went by with no response, and I saw he was back at the Airbnb. He said he was in the pool but didn't give much else.

Later that night, when we resumed talking, I asked again if there were girls there, and he finally admitted that he spent the whole day with a group of bachelor girls he met at the bar, and they all went back to the Airbnb to swim.

I told him I was upset because he had all day to tell me, and I shouldn’t have had to ask. He brushed it off, saying I was being crazy and controlling for making a big deal out of nothing.

The more I tried to explain that it wasn’t about him hanging out with girls, but about the lack of communication and transparency, the more he attacked me, calling me paranoid. At that point, I ended things right there.

Now, I’m questioning if I was too controlling or if I had a right to be upset. We had agreed on certain boundaries before he left, and I felt like he completely disregarded them. AITA?

EDIT:

I want to clarify this bc everyone seems to think I wanted to be updated non stop. That isn’t the case at all and I fully expected him to take hours to respond to me! It’s the fact that we had set a boundary to let me know if he did meet up with girls, avoided the question when I asked him bc his behavior was extremely weird, and chose not to say anything even when he was free.

Here's what people had to say about this one:

LRGChicken said:

NTA. Fidelity and open, honest communication is the bare minimum we owe our partners...He for sure failed at the communication part.

RiseElectronic3085 said:

You both set a boundary and an understanding before he left that he agreed to and fully acknowledged. He deflected, easily betrayed the boundary/trust, and avoided telling you. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. It’s a good thing you guys ended. SUCH a red flag OP. NTA.

kkuhn130 said:

I never understand why couples that have little trust in each other stay together. If I couldn't trust my partner to go on a girls trip with her friends without needing a play by play throughout the day, I wouldn't be with her. You either trust him or you don't.

AreWeAllAvatars said:

Tricky one. NTA for breaking up with him as you are clearly not compatible. However, asking a partner if there are girls or boys there is very insecure and controlling. If you were together forever or married there are going to be hundreds of times over the next 60 or 70 years where he is going to be without you and amongst the company of women.

Whether that be at work, on a night out, or just in general. Not to mention gay men who might find him attractive! This issue isn’t about him being shady, he was obviously uncomfortable having this conversation with you as he knew you are batcrap crazy insecure.

I just can’t imagine asking my wife if there were men there when she goes out having a drink with friends, LOL, of course there’s going to be men there! Likewise, I cannot think of any of my friends or family whose female partners ask them if there are girls where they happen to be. So, this is not normal behaviour of a rational mind.

I feel that you would benefit massively from some counseling so you can learn how to deal with your insecurities in a healthy way, otherwise this is going to sabotage every single relationship you have from now until the day you die. Good luck.

LeatherChaise said:

ESH, but you were right to break up. Nothing good can come from this.

kindasucks_ said:

NTA idk why on a boys bachelor trip they’d be bringing girls back to the Airbnb this guys sounds like he sucks. I will say that it’s important to trust your parents but you made the right decision.

DarthStrangelove said:

YTA. I’m sorry but it sounds like two hours was the longest time that passed without a response. If he disappeared for two days, that might be worth concern. When my partner goes on tour we might not talk for a full week, we often miss each other for 24 - 48 hours.

Last time I went on a bachelors trip, we said goodbye when I left, then I called her 3 days later on the drive home. We’re adults and it’s healthy to live off your phone and with the people you’re hanging out with in person.

It definitely sounds like you were being controlling, and he might have been avoiding telling you about who he was hanging out with because he didn’t want you to cause a big stink. When he did tell you, you broke up with him. It sounds like he knew exactly how you’d respond.