'AITA for breaking up with my fiancé and getting him cut out of his grandma's will?' UPDATED
"AITA for breaking up with my fiancé and getting him cut out of his grandma's will?"
AITAH I (22 Female) broke up with my fiance (3 male), and he ended up getting cut out of his grandma's will. A little back story is that my fiance and I have known each other since we were in elementary school and grew up with each other. We both come from religious families (this is important for later).
When we graduated high school, I chose to go to college, and he went to the military. At that point, we were dating for 2 years, and then we got engaged when I was 21 and he 22, so a year ago. We were doing long distances cause he was stationed in a different state. The plan was that I was going to graduate college and then go down there and find a job where he is stationed.
A couple of months ago, I got a call from a friend who lives down there, and he told me that my fiance is dating another girl and has been for months now he sent me pictures and her Social media. My fiance was coming home for a couple of weeks for my graduation.
I thought it would be a good time to talk this out rather than over the phone. When he came back, I sat him down and asked him. He did not deny it he said that he likes her but loves me. I am heart broken we have been together for years now, and he did this. I called off the engagement and broke up with him.
Now, here is where the religion comes in. I didn't get intimate before marriage, and he was the same. I know some people think this is weird it is just how I was raised. We had this talk when we got together about not being physical before marriage and we both agreed to wait. Well he decided when he was down there he would get girlfriend to "take care of his needs."
After we broke up, I talked to my parents about it and the change of plans the I called his family and talked to them. It is not unusual for me to talk to his family because I help his sister (16f) if she has a problem or just needs a girl to talk to that is not her parents or a friend of hers.
So I called and they invited me to dinner. I went and told them what happened because he did not he just said we are having a fight. The grandma was there, and she was pissed. I used to go over every week to play Mahjong with her because I love to play, and no one else in her family likes to. She kept begging me to take back her grandson and that she would force him to make up with me.
I didn't put much thought into because she was mad. A couple of days later, he was blowing up my phone with calls and messages. His grandma is cutting him out of the will unless he gets back together with me and we get married. I told him no because he hurt me, and nothing he can say will make me take him back.
No, I will not be doing that. His family is really well off and has a very successful business, so when his grandma dies, he is supposed to take over, but if he is cut out, he can not, and he will get nothing. He even tried to pay me to marry him.
I was talking to some of my friends, and they think I am the ahole and should forgive him and get married to him just so he is back in the will. Because "I am just mad now and this will ruin his life" and "think about him and his future." So many of my friends are saying this. I am starting to think about it. What do you think AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Healthy_Currency983 said:
Marrying him will ruin your life. You compromise on your values just for him to do it again. And probably again. So NTA. You can never trust him again.
Spiritual_Ad3150 said:
NTA. Cheating should be a huge deal breaker in any relationship. because you're not only breaking someone's heart you're also breaking the trust they had in you.
blanketstatement5 said:
NTA. If you had asked his grandmother to cut him out, that would've made you TA. But you didn't. She cut him out because she was upset at him for doing this. And also, the line of thinking may not be "I want to punish him for doing this" as much as her not wanting to entrust the family business to someone who does not have good morals or self control.
commonsenseisararity said:
NTA…he broke x2 golden rules..#1…dont cheat…#2 …dont piss off grandparents…they have zero time or patience for BS behavior.
Mariposita48 said:
NTA. He made his bed, and now he get to lie in it. His grandmother made her own choices too. None of this is on you. You were honest to people you considered family.
He knew what he was doing, and he knew how his family would feel about it. He lied by omission to them. Truly wash your hands of this because marrying him now would just seem like marrying him for his money, which is grimy in its own right.
butterfly-garden said:
NTA. Your "friends" think that HIS welfare is more important than YOURS? He betrayed you in the worst way possible.
UPDATE:
Thanks to everyone who gave me advice, and a lot has been happening. A lot of people asked for an update, so here it is. So first I talked to his grandma. I told her I will not be marrying her grandson. I did not feel comfortable with that being a requirement for him to get back in the will.
I also told her I would be available to play Mahjong with her because I enjoy playing with her, and I will not be coming over when he is there. She was good with that arrangement. When we were talking, she told me that just because he cheated, that was not the only reason why he got cut out of the will.
She said she was sorry for telling him that. But even if he did end up marrying me , he would still not be in the will. Instead, I would. She was telling me that this was the last straw. So that is why he got cut out he did a lot of other stuff before just, I do not know about it, but her and the rest of the family did. I was talking about it and I asked her. Why did I not know about this when I was with him?
Apparently, they thought I knew. She did tell me that there was a way for him to get back in the will without him marrying me, but it will take a long time, and even then, it will not be the same. We finished up our talk and then scheduled some time to play. I knows some people will say I should cut ties with the family but I have known them so long that I consider them my family and I've actually enjoy playing with the grandma and being there for his sister.
Next, what happened was I talked to my so-called friends. I have some friends who have supported me from the beginning, but the ones that called me the TAH I asked them why they said all that stuff. Well , one of them thought that if I married him , I would help her pay off her college loans. So it boiled down to greed.
I told them they were not true friends of mine, and they were just using me for their own gain. They did not care about me and my feeling and that I never wanted to talk to them again.If they wanted me to marry him so bad, they should just marry him themselves.
At this point, I was just mad, and I ended up yelling at them. I left and blocked all of their numbers and blocked them on all social media platforms I have.Thank you, everyone, who was telling me to drop them as friends. I ended up doing just that. One of the only bright sides to this was I got to see who my real friends were.
Now it was time to talk to my ex. He called me asking to meet up for lunch.I decided to go because I figured at least I could get a free meal out of it and get some closure from the relationship.He let me choose the place. I chose a little restaurant that one of my good friends work there and I know if I need to they will help me out. Lunch came, and he was talking to me about the will and getting married.
He was asking if we could get married and have an open relationship, and he wouldn't care if I slept with someone else. I told him NO. He did not know I talked to his grandma before and that I knew what also happened.
I laid into him and told him that is not what I believe in and that he broke my trust and my heart and that he was not treating me like a human being. I was about to leave without eating my food but my friend packaged my lunch up, gave it to me and let me leave. When he tried following me to continue talking.
Even though I was done, my friend ended up blocking his path so he could not. When I left, he kept on calling me. I blocked him. Before I blocked him, I told him never to talk to me again, and I am done with him.
I plan to finish my degree and maybe go traveling and leave town for a little bit, and maybe in a few years, I will find someone better. I will also take this time to think about my religion, like how a lot of people were saying to do and figuring out what my next step is.
Thank you, everyone, for your advice. I don't know if this is how you saw it going or not a lot has happened in such a short amount of time. I will update you if anything else happens. I hope not.
Here's what people had to say after the update:
Ok-Meeting-8588 said:
You did the right thing. Now block him (or mute him if you think he’ll threatening and you need evidence). But I would bet money that he’s going to marry his “real true love” super quick as an attempt to get back into grandma’s good graces. Just be ready for that.
Regular_Boot_3540 said:
I think you are making some good choices here. I wish you the best of luck.
God_of_Mischief85 said:
I’m so glad that you got out safely. Your friend who blocked him is a rockstar!
B_F_S_12742 said:
OP, first off, congratulations on making that step away for you. Second, well done on ditching your non friends. They clearly were never your true friends. Take your time to find your path and best of luck going forward