Woman breaks up with her boyfriend after his 'failed marriage proposal.' AITA?
"Am I the ahole for breaking up with my boyfriend after a failed marriage proposal?"
I am 44 have been dating my boyfriend m 38, for a little over a year. Background, we discussed what we both wanted in life before we got serious. I've been married twice both ended badly and I told him I had no intention of ever getting married again. He's been married once before and it ended badly for him. I have 3 kid, 2 of them are grown adults and live on their own with their partners.
I still have a 16 year old at home, but this allows me more freedom than him to do what I want. He has 2 kids a boy age 11 a girl age 9. Now I had no problem meeting his kids and being a friend to them. But he started referring to me as their mom. I told him he shouldn't say things like that. And he kept saying he was going to marry me and referring to me as his fiance.
Again I told him not to say this. In all the time we have been together he has only been to my house about 4 times. He always has an excuse as to why he can't come over and stay ( I don't have any one to take care of the kids) he lives with his mother...So I would go to his house which is about 40 minutes away. Any time we went anywhere we always took my car because he would say he doesn't have enough gas.
This man makes more money than I do.... So last week we were shopping in Walmart for a few things I needed for my house. When he pulls over to the jewelry counter, he pins me up against the counter and tells me to pick one. I tell him no, I don't want a ring.
We go back and forth and I finally get free. I finished getting what I needed check out and leave. When we get to his house I tell him I have to leave. The whole thing just brings up all the abuse from previous relationships, that he knows about. Later that night I tell him I can't do this anymore I'm done.
He threatened to come to my house but of he didn't because he never comes over. So I flat out tell him I can not marry you. He replied why not and that he can hold off on it. so I remind him that I told him in the beginning I didn't not have any intentions of ever getting married again.
He claims he doesn't remember this and say he can wait, like I'm going to change my mind. All the while saying how much I'm hurting him and hard this is on him. So again I remind him I don't want to get married and after the stunt he pulled in the store in front of his daughter, I have nothing more to say to him. Am I the ahole?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Laiko_Kairen said:
Yeah, he is looking for a mother to his kids. Who you are and what you want is a distant second place to his search for a live in nanny. I'm glad you got out. He'd have made you raise his kids.
Dipshitistan said:
This dude is having a buy one, get one free sale on red flags.
SamuraiMarvin said:
NTA you set your boundaries clearly in the beginning and he chose to ignore them (or didn’t pay enough attention to remember them). You’ve lived your life and raised your kids. He’s looking for a person to raise his, and considering he was going to propose so soon and was pushing you so urgently, I say you made the right decision. Don’t go back to him, there’s far better out there for you.
facinationstreet said:
You have recognized all of the red flags for over a year with this guy and you continued to date him. You allowed his lack of participation as an equal partner (never coming to your place/never driving), you allowed him to continually break your boundaries (referring to you as mom to his kids, gaslighting you).
Of course you aren't TA. However, maybe it is time to not date for a year or more and work on healing from past relationship, learning how to set and keep boundaries, how to advocate for yourself and not allow someone else to run all over you. NTA.
ConsistentRough4128 said:
NTA, this ridiculous notion that a woman's biggest dream is to marry has made some men believe that they're some sort of superhero for going through with this agreement that tends to benefit mostly them (as statistics state, married men are happier while married women, often not). His constant lack of care for what you want, won't go away and will only get worse as he realizes he can get away with it, you only protected yourself.
BeardManMichael said:
Sounds like he's a man child. If you got with him, you'd have to deal with his children and his own childish stupidity. Don't go anywhere near that. Stay away from that overgrown baby. NTA, obviously.