Woman brings rotisserie chicken to potluck; host says; 'This is so rude.' AITA?
"AITA for bringing rotisserie chicken to an all-homemade potluck?"
My (25F) sister (28F) and a group of her friends from high school meet once a month to catch up and have a potluck dinner together. This month they met at my sister’s place and she asked me if I wanted to join them.
She told me I had to bring a homemade dish, since that’s one of the purposes of these gatherings, to give them a reason to cook something and take a break from fast-food. I said ok.
I was supposed to make a roast chicken, but I honestly forgot to defrost it, so I ended up buying rotisserie chicken on my way to my sister’s house. I didn’t pretend I had made it, I was honest, none of her friends minded, and it’s not like I’d bought KFC.
My sister looked bothered though, and when we were alone for a moment she told me I had to have warned them when I realized I wouldn’t be able to cook, and that it was rude of me to show up for the first time already disrespecting the rules of their group or what not. I thought that was such an overreaction, but now I’m wondering if I was the AH.
Let's see what readers thought:
featy writes:
Girl YTA. Especially it being your first time coming and you literally missed the entire point of the group. It makes you seem careless as you completely disregarded what your sister said.
You could've told her what happened and like made some cookies or something that doesn't require a long defrosting. OR you could've bought a non frozen raw chicken and cooked it. It would've costed less than the rotisserie chicken.
narkat writes:
YTA. The purpose of the gathering was to shared homemade goods. Its a collective creative exercise. You then didn't prioritize actually doing that. So yeah, party foul.
I get why you might be on the fence on it though, generally speaking the point of bringing food to a gathering is more to generally contribute to the gathering broadly speaking. You probably felt like you were still doing that. It's just different here because of the stated purpose. You provided some food, and that was nice; it just wasn't the point.
As an example, imagine your sister organized a get together for people to share their artwork/paintings. Everyone comes with their own canvases, and you walk in with an 8.5/11 printout of someone else's work.
In that instance, would you think you were sufficiently participating in the get together? Or would you come across as kind of phoning it in/minimizing the reason people were gathering in the first place?
cring writes:
YTA. If you have assigned dishes at a potluck, you are responsible for bringing what you agreed to provide.
"I forgot" is not much of an excuse, especially when you choose not to tell the potluck host (your own sister) that you're not going to do what you said you'd do.
At a bare minimum, you call the host as soon as you realize what you did, tell them the situation, and offer solutions ("I can buy rotisserie chicken or I can make X dish instead") and then you let them decide how to proceed.
Instead, you didn't make it a priority to keep your promise and then made a cheap and low-effort substitution, which you sprung on your sister in front of the other attendees.
My guess is that you were trying to avoid having to deal with her understandably unhappy reaction, and now you're here seeking validation for your disorganization and lack of consideration for your sister.
Look, a potluck isn't a life-or-death thing, so this one incident isn't something that makes you a bad person or anything like that. But if you have a pattern of failing to follow through...
letting down your sister, and being dismissive of what others are doing (i.e., everyone pitching in to provide fully homemade food), THEN you might be a bad person, or at least a bad sister and friend. So please take an honest look at whether this is a fluke or something more.
haotyruut writes:
NAH, you were honest about what you brought and showing up empty handed would have been worse.
But I think your sister reacted this way because it’s her friend group, and you were invited on her voucher. Because she vouched for you to join, your actions reflect on her.
You showing up with a store-bought item the very first time you joined the group probably embarrassed her and made her feel like she looks bad to her friends. Maybe the friends really didn’t care, or maybe they did and they were just being polite by not making a big deal out of it since they don’t know you.
I think you do owe your sister an apology, and an acknowledgment that you made her feel embarrassed. But I don’t think you’re the AH because it wasn’t intentional and you were honest about it
grounnn writes:
NTA honestly mistakes happen and we all mess up. I think getting a rotisserie chicken was a smart fix and no one else minded. If you’re just a random invite for this time I doubt you’re corrupting the moral of the group. I don’t think it was rude to not call because you basically showed up with the dish you promised.