Woman confronts brother; 'You need to tell me when your GF finishes MY hygiene products.' AITA? UPDATED

"AITA If I ask my brother to tell me when his GF finishes my hygiene products?"

I (21F) currently still live with my parents and my brother (23M). He has a lovely but very shy girlfriend (18F) and lately she's been staying over for more than one night, which is okay by me.

The problem is, that a few times she forgot to bring some soaps or hair products, and he asked me if she could use a little bit of mine. I said sure.

Now, for context - we (me and my brother, my parents have their own) have two showers, one upstairs and one downstairs. The main one that we use is the one upstairs simply because the shower is more comfortable and bigger, we don't mind sharing a bathroom and we thought it wouldn't be fair for one of us to use only the uncomfortable one.

My dad has been having sleeping issues lately, and he can hear it when someone showers upstairs, so if we want to shower after he goes to sleep, we shower downstairs to not wake him up. It's not that bad since he usually goes to sleep late anyway.

I have been studying really hard for some exams that I have, and since I study better at night, I've been showering downstairs because I usually finish way after my dad goes to sleep. I have my shampoos and soaps both downstairs and upstairs because I don't want to move them every time.

One time I used the shower upstairs after a while and noticed that my brother's GF finished my shampoo, which is pretty expensive as I have to use a special one. Kinda sucked since it was my last one and I wasn't notified about it being finished, but I just asked my brother to let me know next time she finishes one of my products so I won't be stuck like that again.

Now, I wanted to shower upstairs after a while of not using the shower upstairs (missed it!) And noticed that my hair mask and body soap were empty, but still in the shower. I don't mind the soap, but the hair mask is also pretty expensive and again I wasn't notified.

I asked my parents if I should tell my brother again about it - to just let me know if she finishes one of my soaps, not even pay me back. My dad said that I should since she's supposed to bring her own if she stays for so long and it's not okay to just finish my stuff. My mom said that I shouldn't since she's already really shy and anxious and doesn't want her to feel uncomfortable.

Before we give you OP's update, let's take a look at some top responses:

llovinglife writes:

Why don't you ask your mum or your brother to buy and put some 'guest' bathroom products in the shower she's using. If they won't, then take your stuff out of the bathroom she's using every time you finish. Yeah it's a pain, but it's going to be much cheaper for you.

Maybe she'll get the hint and start bringing her own. In fact, why she can't bring her own stuff and leave it in the bathroom for future use is a tad odd. I suspect she just likes your expensive products. Maybe your brother has told her you don't have a problem with her using it.

As others have said, she may be quiet and shy, but she obviously doesn't have a problem using your stuff does she? NTA.

flouaas writes:

I wouldn’t ask her to notify you I would ask her to please stop using your stuff. “GF we all enjoy you being here but I’m starting to feel a bit resentful that I go to use my products, specifically XYZ, only to find empty containers.

These products are expensive to replace. I’m not going to ask you to replace them, but I am going to ask that you buy your own products to use while you are here and stop using mine. I want to make it clear that I’m no mad at you but I just want to clarify my boundaries moving forward.”

“Brother, I have asked your GF to stop using my products. Please take her shopping to purchase the things she needs when staying here. Next time I’m going to ask you to replace my things and they are very expensive.” NTA.

felaaattty writes:

When I shower at my baby’s fathers house, I bring my own shower products. He lives with his grandmother and while she doesn’t mind at all if I use her stuff, I do.

I have asked once when I packed two shampoos instead of a conditioner and she gladly let me use some of hers, but I would never expect it. I might shower there once a week/every other week when we spend the night so she can see her dad, and I still bring my own.

This girl is young and her parents probably have paid for and replaced her hygiene products up until this point so she isn’t even thinking of it. Maybe just ask her to let you know; as a super shy young girl I would have appreciated a heads up if I was doing something like this and not realizing it. For all you know, she has told your brother when she uses or finishes your stuff and he doesn’t think it’s a big deal so he doesn’t tell you.

aalthesss writes:

NTA. Agree with getting a shower caddy for your supplies, but why the hell is she so casual about using EVERYTHING, including the hair mask? It's a shower FFS, not a spa day. She should be using the bare minimum of your supplies, and only on the RARE occasion she doesn't bring hers.

The hair mask is over the line and I'm sorry, but why is she washing her hair every time she stays over? Unless she is completely grimy and a sweaty mess, her hair doesn't need to be washed that frequently.

Here's a question for you: does she remember to pack a bag of clean clothes? If she can do that, why can't she bring her own supplies? Answer: because she knows you have better quality products she can filch.

fleaaaaa writes:

NTA- sucks that you’ll have to keep your stuff put away somewhere but it’s the best solution. It’s okay to use your stuff the first time but knowing you’re coming over daily then she should be bringing her own stuff.

Your place isn’t a hotel for her to use your products. Just keep your stuff away from her and you don’t even need to let her know that you are keeping your own products in your room. She will have to figure out what to use next, maybe your mom’s products will be next and your mom can decide to let it go on her own stuff since gf is shy.

And now, OP's update:

Edit - to answer a few repeating questions- I do not approve nor support this relationship. I think the age gap is too much at this life stage, especially because they started dating when she was 17 and he was 22. However, I already said that I don't support the relationship and it's not my place to try to break them up.

I will gain nothing from being hostile towards them about it. About asking her directly - I suffer from anxiety as well, and adding to that what I said above, I still don't feel comfortable confronting her about stuff like that.

I decided to bring this up with my brother one more time, and if that doesn't work, I'll get my own shower caddy like a lot of people suggested. Thank you all for your replies.