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Woman brutally shuts down 'crush' rumors in front of friend group, 'she went quiet.' AITA?

Woman brutally shuts down 'crush' rumors in front of friend group, 'she went quiet.' AITA?


"AITA for calling a girl ugly in front of all my friends?"

I (23F) am a lesbian. I've known most people of my main friend group since school days (we're eleven people, eight of us went to middle and high school together). I came out to them in March 2023.

Coincidentally, our group got a new member around the same time, "Mary" (24F). I came out shortly after she got added to all of the group chats and she made a joke about how she awoke something in me. I laughed it off and thought that was it.

Well it wasn't. She would repeatedly makes these "jokes" about how she was my gay awakening because apparently it was a really weird coincidence that I came out right after she joined the friend group.

After a while it stopped being funny and I took her aside (by that point it had been going on for five months) and told her that these comments make me uncomfortable and asked her to stop, she brushed me off.

The comments didn't get any less and she started making them in front of people outside the friend group too. It became really annoying and whenever she said these things I made a point of correcting her, but she always kinda laughed about it. I tried "joking" back that she wasn't my type, but I think my constant insisting that she was lying made it seem like she was right, if that makes sense. It was frustrating.

Two days ago was my final straw. We went to a party and Mary knew a girl there, "Jeanie" (24F) and waved the rest of us over to introduce us. Turns out Jeanie was also gay, which Mary made a point of telling me directly.

Before I could say anything, she turned back to Jeanie and pointed at me and went "She's gay too, you know. But don't get your hopes up too high, she kinda has a crush on me."

I was really annoyed and said "You know that's not true, stop telling people that." to which she said "You don't need to be embarrassed, I'm pretty hot" in a joking tone. I snapped at her "That's a weird way to say 'Effing ugly.'" And she went quiet and excused herself.

Yesterday I got a long message about how hurt and disappointed she was. Most of our mutual friends are on my side except for two who weren't there and refuse to take sides (fair enough), but a lot of other people who witnessed it have been blowing up my phone over how mean what I said was. Now I'm wondering if I overreacted, AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Illustrious-Tap5791 said:

NTA. Next time she does it, tell her that that’s a really weird way to try and flirt with you. Sounds very much like she’s interested in you.

Cruella_deville7584 said:

NTA. Most commenters seem to think she has a crush on you, however my read is a little different. I think she’s jealous. My guess is you’re more attractive than she is, so claiming “you have a crush on her” she simultaneously is telling available women that you’re emotionally unavailable and that she’s a catch. This woman doesn’t sound like a real friend.

akari1989 said:

NTA, you asked her multiple times to stop and that she was making you uncomfortable and she kept it going.

ML_120 said:

NTA, and I suspect the others in your group were also tired of her comments.

Two_black_hounds said:

NTA unfortunately some people are so dense you have to hurt their feelings to get them to shut up, you put up with it far longer than most people would.

Everythingn0w said:

NTA, she IS ugly, at least on the inside. Disgusting behavior.

According_Arm3793 said: could have said worse such as that she's a turn off and about to turn you back to straight and that's justified also!

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for these friends?

Sources: Reddit
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