Woman burns and deletes all irreplaceable memories of ex-fiancé in 'cleansing ritual.' AITA?

"AITA for burning/deleting all our stuff after he left me?"

My (28F) ex-fiancé (29M) ended our 8-year relationship last week, 3 months before our wedding. There's another woman involved who apparently helped him realize he was "settling" for me. Eight years of my life, gone like that.

My best friend B said I needed to release the pain somehow, so on one night, we took everything that reminded me of him to the rooftop with a metal trash can. She said it was a cleansing ritual.

I burned it all. Love letters he wrote me in college. The movie tickets from our first date that I still kept in my drawer. Photos from every anniversary, every birthday. Our first gifts to each other when we were poor students who thought love conquered everything.

I tried to say goodbye to each thing properly, like honoring what it meant before letting it go like that Netflix show. But mostly I just sobbed while watching of our love turn to ash. I was about to throw the engagement ring into the flames too, but something stopped me.

Even in my headspace, I realized that was messed up. So I just wrote him a note saying I hoped he found happiness and left it with the ring on our apartment table. I didn't burn anything that actually belonged to him. Just photos of us together, gifts he'd given me, and things I'd created for our relationship.

I also deleted all our/his photos from Instagram. People have been asking what happened but B said not to worry and she'd handle explaining to everyone and why the wedding is off.

Then I booked a flight to Bali solo and left without telling him. He's been calling but I can't bear to hear his voice. I figure if he wanted to be part of my life decisions, he shouldn't have abandoned me 3 months before our wedding.

My mom thinks I destroyed irreplaceable memories I'll want back someday. But looking at them felt like staring at evidence of how stupid I was to believe in us. AITA for burning our shared history without his consent? I'm so lost I don't know what's right anymore.

My remote therapist says writing about this is going to help me process it, so that is what I'm doing now. Though she meant journaling not reddit but I don't want to just create an echo chamber with my own thoughts, I don't think that's healthy.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

DiskDizzy9899 said:

I’m so sorry you’re hurting right now. I did the same with the stuff of an ex gf who left suddenly too, and I burned letters and photos in a bonfire like you, it felt like reclaiming my power and closing a painful chapter. Healing isn’t linear, and rituals like yours can be deeply meaningful.

Be gentle with yourself and allow the grief to unfold without judgment. It’s okay to protect your heart by creating distance. Maybe try journaling privately alongside sharing here, so you hear yourself but also feel supported. Trust that with time, you’ll find peace and clarity again. You’re not alone in this.

WhyAmIStillHere86 said:

NTA. The fact that you only burned YOUR belongings and left your ring with a goodbye letter shows that despite your grief, you’re handling this WAY better than most people do

Think_Perspective218 said:

NTA. Those were YOUR memories and YOUR gifts to do with as you wanted. He doesn’t get a say in how you process being abandoned 3 months before your wedding. The fact that you didn’t touch his actual belongings shows you handled this way better than most people would have.

RikijoJen said:

NTA. They belonged to you, and they’re painful memories. For some, getting rid of them is the right thing to do for healing’s sake. Will you regret it later? Maybe. But maybe not.

And I think it will be far easier to not go back if you have no physical memories to wallow in. You’re starting a new phase in your life. Enjoy your trip the best you can and journal your feelings as you go. You got this!

Quixotic_Faerie said:

NTA and honestly, bravo. Most people try to hang onto things and I don't think that's healthy. It's never worth your time to hold onto someone when you can clearly do better. Don't think of this as years lost, think of it as lessons learned.

You didn't throw away time, you were gaining experience. Now is the time to enjoy being single and finding yourself again, learning who you've grown into before jumping back into the dating pool. Eight years later means you're a different person, and you deserve to get to know who you are without a lemon attached.

Adelucas said:

NTA. I've done the same. I was at the point where looking at the stuff made me spiral into depression so I burned the lot and let them go. I've never once regretted it. I've deleted entire facebook accounts to avoid painful memories popping up on my timeline.

You're grieving the loss of a relationship you thought was forever and you are dealing with it in a pretty healthy way. It's not up to your mom to tell you how to feel, or how to handle a breakup. At least you didn't smash everything in sight with a hammer.

If you want to be petty just post on your social media "Weddings off, relationships over. He's a cheating skank and if anyone wants more details ask him and his floozy". He ended it for another woman, you are the victim. You can tell the world and he's got no say in it. Neither does your mom.