Woman asks if she's wrong to prioritize her baby over her neighbor's sleep schedule.
"My neighbor complained that me feeding my baby was keeping him up at night and I said my baby is more important than his sleep."
sushikat323 writes:
So, my daughter was born over three months early. She's doing okay, but she still has periods where she has Bradycardia desaturations (Braddies), where she stops breathing, and her oxygen saturation drops in her body, turning her bright blue. She experiences this at least once a day, which is why she is still in the NICU with no current projection for when she'll be coming home.
The only things I can do to help her are to cuddle her and provide her with milk. This means expressing for a minimum of 20 minutes on each breast every 2 to 3 hours, including overnight. I've also had problems with fleas in my home (they've been awful for everyone in my area this year).
As a result, I've removed all the carpets and disposed of my sofa and mattress. Currently, I'm sleeping on a blow-up mattress on the floor with my fiancé. Unfortunately, any noise I make, no matter how hard I try to minimize it, carries downstairs to my neighbor.
I express milk overnight, with sessions at 11:30 pm, 1 am, and 6:30 am. My downstairs neighbor knocked on my door this morning and complained about my 1 am alarm waking him up. I apologized and explained that I can't turn off that specific alarm because it impacts my milk flow.
Disrupting that session would prompt me to produce more milk throughout the day. I'm already under enough stress, and my milk flow has already been impacted (I was producing around 100ml, and I'm now down to 50 to 70ml). I need the alarms because I cannot miss my expressing sessions. I already feel guilty enough about not producing as much as I used to.
I explained all of this to him, but he insisted that it wakes him up and prevents him from sleeping. I again apologized and suggested setting the alarm between 1 am and 3:30 am so he can choose a time within that range.
He said I should just turn off the alarm, to which I responded that I can't afford to sleep through my expressing times. The hormones that aid in milk production are at their peak between 1 am and 4 am.
He complained again about being woken up, and I angrily responded, "My daughter is premature, she needs my milk, and I will do everything to make sure she has as much as she needs, even if it means waking you up at 1 am because I need to express! She is my priority, not your sleep." I then closed the door in his face.
I just spoke to one of my friends, and she's telling me that I'm the a%#hole because my daughter eats every 3 hours, and I'm making just enough milk every time for at least one meal for her. She believes that "it won't hurt to skip the 1 am expression," but it honestly IS the most critical expression for milk production.
So Reddit, AITA for not stopping my 1 am expression even though I know it wakes up my neighbor?
Update: Many people have suggested I put my phone on vibrate, which would be a fantastic solution if it weren't for the fact that I have slept straight through having injections or having a cannula put in (I was awoken long enough to give permission to have it put in). I'm open to solutions, but putting my phone on vibrate isn't going to work.
Here are some of the top comments from the post:
PaulErdos8MyHamster says:
I’m really sorry for the situation you’re in, I appreciate how hard it must be for you, but I’m afraid I think YTA (You're the A%#hole). Legally, he is entitled to reasonable enjoyment of his home which you are preventing. If you stop someone else sleeping every single night for weeks on end you ruin their life. That’s a huge thing.
You need to work out how to do what you need without destroying him like that. Maybe you and your partner could take it in turns to wear headphones at night with an alarm that goes directly to those? Find a solution. Don’t just say you don't care about imposing severe and persistent sleep deprivation on those around you.
keesouth says:
YTA but only because you refuse to even think of a way to not disturb your neighbor. Can you put your phone on vibrate and put it in the bed with you? Do you have or can you get a cheap smart watch that will vibrate your arm. You just unilaterally decided it's with wake him up or don't express but there are other options.
I_am_legend-ary says:
YTA. Sounds like you are going through a tough time, but your alarm should not be waking up your neighbors. How would you feel if your neighbor made unreasonable noise at 1 am waking you and your baby?
What do you think? Is OP right to prioritize her child and not care if it impacts her neighbor, or should she try harder to find a solution that won't wake up her neighbor?