'AITA for calling my mom delusional for thinking I had a good childhood?'
"AITA for calling my mom delusional for thinking I had a good childhood?"
I (23F) have a twin Angela. Angela had leukaemia as a child. She has been cancer- free since we were 10, thankfully. But since she was sick a lot as a child, I was basically invisible to our parents.
Angela and I were still best friends at the time but my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles etc basically forgot I existed within that time. They sent me to a boarding school from age 8-14. I understood that they had to send me away when Angela was undergoing treatment and they didn’t have the capacity to take care of me.
But it was excuse after excuse about why I couldn’t come home for 4 years after Angela was cancer free. Eventually they brought me back when I was 14 but I was very antisocial at that point and just stayed in my room all the time. I spoke to Angela here and there but we weren’t super close anymore because we had been separated for a while.
Last night, I was at my parents' house with my boyfriend. My parents were showing my boyfriend the photo album of me and Angela as kids. I have some as a baby but not much after the age of like 2 ish. My boyfriend asked if there’s another photo album because he wanted to see what I looked like from like growing up.
My mom said there aren’t any more pictures of me but he can just look at the pictures of Angela since we’re identical and that’s the same thing.
I got quite angry at this and said we’re two separate people, and she should just say they weren’t interested in taking photos of me when I was growing up because they had other things to worry about, but looking at Angela isn’t a replacement of the pictures I don’t have.
My mom said I should’ve sent more pictures of myself when I was at boarding school so then she’d have stuff to show. I said “wow, one would think the responsibly of having pictures of a child growing up would be on the parents."
When my boyfriend left, we had a bigger conversation about this. My mom said she felt like that earlier conversation showed that I resented her and my dad for that period of time where they were taking care of Angela. I admitted that I do kind of resent them for that, especially the part where they took 4 years to bring me back home after Angela wasn’t sick anymore.
My mom said their reasoning was that they felt like I was well settled there and having a good childhood, and they didn’t want to disrupt my life by bringing me back. I was shocked to hear that and said “having a good childhood at a boarding school far from home?? Are you delusional?”
My mom has been crying since and my dad is angry that I made her upset over something that happened so long ago. He said that I won’t understand how hard that was for them until I become a parent myself, and that I should apologize to my mom for talking to her like that. I admit my tone was harsh but I don’t think I said anything wrong. AITAH?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Alternative_Cap_8990 said:
Definitely NTA. Your parents never took the time to ask you back then if you liked being at that school. How would they know about you being "well settled in." They also didnt feel like they missed something of your life. Saying sh$t like "look at the picture of our other daughter, it's basically the same" just shows how ignorant they are about your childhood.
jgroovydaisy said:
NTA - And if you become a parent yourself, you will probably be even more like, "How could they do this to me?"
strawberrymilfshake7 said:
Absolutely not. She put Angela above you. I get that she was sick, but you’re her child too. She should have been there for you too.
Remy93 said:
NTA Your parents abandoned you and expect you to be happy about it? Why do you even talk to them anymore?
FAFO-13 said:
NTA. They were incredibly sh$tty and neglectful parents and deserved to be called on it. There is no excuse at all that justifies their behavior.
BendPresent1437 said:
NTA. They abandoned you for 6 years. They are the AHOLES, no excuses.