Woman calls mother-in-law 'ill mannered,' 'she went through MY suitcase.' AITA?

"AITA for calling my MIL ill-mannered for going through my suitcase and criticizing my bikini..."

Hi, my husband and I got married in June, and we're about to board the plane to our honeymoon. We've been with each other for almost a year and a half. Last night my in-laws were at our place to wish us goodbye before we went for our honeymoon (they live half an hour away).

She was asking me to put some vitamin tablets as well, and offered to put in my suitcase. This is where it may have been my fault, first I said thanks I'll put it, she said its ok she can put it, and I said ok, you can put it in the inner zipper. Turns out she actually went through the clothes and she came across a fairly revealing bikini I had bought for this occasion.

She asked me if I was really planning on taking this along, I kind of lost my cool because I was embarrassed and said please don't go through our private stuff it's rude and ill-mannered. She then said a honeymoon doesn't have to mean that I wear revealing clothes on public beaches (we're Muslim and she's a bit more conservative I guess).

I said our relationship and our honeymoon is our own and not for her to comment on. It might also be relevant to mention that my husband and I never told our families that we were in a physical relationship while we were seeing each other before our marriage, just that we were meeting up (my mom knows though, my dad doesn't or at least I don't think so, don't think either of his know).

So, my point is my MIL has a misplaced idea of mine and my husband's relationship. She was very affronted by what I said, and said I'm the one who didn't have manners, that all she wanted to do was help. My husband talked to her in private and tried to explain that I felt violated even if she meant well.

The mood had soured, and my in-laws wished us a good trip and left soon after. My husband said I shouldn't have let her near the suitcase at all if this was the case, and that while he had spoken to her about boundaries, I shouldn't have reacted without thinking.

We decided to not let this affect our honeymoon and we didn't talk about it again. But it was just on my mind right now. While he left to get us something to eat, I thought I'd quickly as if I was TA, and if so maybe I'll admit it, to get our honeymoon off to a clean start.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

ThisWillAgeWell said:

I kind of lost my cool because I was embarrassed and said please don't go through our private stuff it's rude and ill-mannered...my husband said I shouldn't have let her near the suitcase at all if this was the case, and that while he had spoken to her about boundaries, I shouldn't have reacted without thinking.

"Husband, answer me this. If you believe what I said to your mother in the moment was so very wrong, if it was 'reacting without thinking', then tell me: what SHOULD I have said or done in the moment to a person rummaging through my clothes without permission, that would have been OK with you?" NTA.

WhereWeretheAdults said:

NTA. MIL set you up. She could have easily handed you the vitamins but she "had" to put them in your suitcase. She was going into this looking for dirt. Your MIL does have a misplaced idea of you and your husband's relationship, she thinks she's part of it.

MistySky1999 said:

NTA. And now you know why she was so insistent on packing those vitamins herself. She wanted a good rummage through your things in order to give her public opinion. That wasn't accidental.

captaintightpantzz said:

NTA now you know to keep a firm distance from your MIL. She is not your friend and I would not let her worm too deep into your life. You and your husband should also have some talks about boundaries - he should not be blaming you for her inappropriate behavior. If you don’t get in the same page now, this spells a lot of trouble for your marriage going forward.

666POD said:

NTA - She had every intention to go through your suitcase to begin with, she just needed the excuse. It was never about the vitamins.

Donutsmell said:

NTA. She was being pushy about the vitamins to begin with. Then, she rooted through your packed suitcase. It’s none of her business what you pack and wear. It’s good that your husband spoke to her about boundaries, but it isn’t great that he also partially blamed you for “letting” her near your suitcase.

I have a feeling he is going to have to set lots of boundaries with your mil in the future. Hopefully, he will get better at it soon. Enjoy your honeymoon!