Woman calls off her engagement after learning that her fiancé lied about kids. AITA?
"AITA for calling off my marriage because my husband lied to me?"
I (29F) have been with my now ex fiance (32M) for 5 years. We got engaged about a year ago and a little after that we discussed having kids. I was an only child, I can't imagine having kids, it feels restraining.
I'm a person who's dedicated to my job and I don't want to put anything (or anyone) before it or before my passion (traveling). I can't imagine traveling with kids, it would be a nightmare. My ex knew this about me, he knew it since we met. He told me that he never wanted kids either however, 3 weeks ago I discovered he was lying to me.
We were eating dinner and he told me that he "changed his mind" about having kids and that he wants kids now. I thought he was joking so I brushed it off, he got upset at this and walked away. I followed him and asked him what was wrong. He said that he didn't like how careless I was about the subject. I told him that I thought he was joking but that just made him angrier. He said that he would never joke about something like that.
I was confused since he had told me that he didn't want kids. He continued to tell me that he lied about not wanting kids because he loves me and wants to be with me. I got mad, for one he lied to me and then what was the plan after that? to manipulate me, make me feel guilty until he convinced me to have kids I didn't want? My mom didn't want kids, thats why I was the only one, I was the trial run.
So, as a kid whose mom didn't want her, I would NEVER want to make anyone feel as unloved and left out as I did as a child. My ex knew this, I told him that many times. I took some time to think about it until last week I told him that I wanted to call off the marriage. He was suprised and angry, he told me to leave and I did. I've been staying with my aunt until I can get an apartment. My ex keeps calling me trying to make me feel guilty but I won't let him. I know what I want. AITA for calling off my marriage?
EDIT:
Please read the whole thing before commenting, The amount of people telling me he just changed his mind despite the fact that I said that he admitted to lying is astounding to me. If you don't want to read it, don't. I couldn't care less but if you don't care enough to read the whole thing then you shouldn't care enough to comment.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
dickpierce69 said:
NTA. Your life goals aren’t aligned. It happens. You have diametrically opposed views. Someone will always be unhappy in that situation. Be it him without a kid or you with one. This is the right call. You’re simply not compatible.
GOTTOOMANYANIMALS said:
You were right to call it off. People that lie about not wanting kids annoy me. They hope they can change the other persons mind.
JaneAustinAstronaut said:
NTA. I find it so weird and threatening when guys get with a woman who doesn't want kids, and then lie about it and think that they can force her to change her mind. It's so manipulative and controlling.
Like, do these guys think that because they want HER, that they get to dictate what they do with HER and HER BODY? Do they not care about what she wants out of her life? And if they don't, then why are they so surprised when they get dumped? Who in the hell would want to be married to someone who has proven that they don't have my mental health and wellbeing in mind?
CameraSimilar976 said:
NTA. Having kids vs. not having kids is a HUGE life decision and both partners need to agree. He lied to you for 5 years about his future plans. That’s is a terrible move on his part. Not only did he waste your time but he wasted his own time. Sounds like he thought you would also change your mind but it’s unfair for him to do this to you and to himself. He was selfish and now you’re both paying the price.
LousyOpinions said:
NTA. Staying with him and denying his will to be a father would make you the ahole. intentions makes him the asshole. He wasted years of both of your lives.
00Lisa00 said:
NTA he thinks it’s ok to lie and manipulate you but you’re somehow in the wrong for having a boundary that never changed? Dodged a bullet there.