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Woman calls off the wedding after fiancé makes a 'joke' about being 'locked up.' AITA?

Woman calls off the wedding after fiancé makes a 'joke' about being 'locked up.' AITA?


"AITA for calling off the wedding after my fiancé joked he was trapped in this marriage?"

My fiancé proposed three months ago. It was a beautiful intimate proposal and I loved the idea of telling our future kids about his proposal. I was really excited to plan my wedding. I work in the events industry and this sort of thing is my passion. My fiance has ADHD and finds planning very boring. His default response is “whatever you want.” So, I’ve had full creative freedom but I am a little sad he didn’t contribute to anything, even the color scheme.

My fiancé and our friends were talking about the wedding. I was telling them some of my plans to cut costs down and my friend made a joke that it was a good thing my fiance locked me down because I’m a professional.

My fiancé joked that he didn’t lock me down, I locked him up. He said he was trying to enjoy his last days of freedom before I trapped him in the marriage. I felt really upset that he didn’t acknowledge my hard work in planning the wedding and because he joked that I was trapping him into marriage and that I pushed him into getting married.

I decided we should call off the wedding for now. He wasn’t interested in getting married and I don’t want to marry someone who doesn’t enthusiastically want to get married. I talked to my fiancé and said that I’m going to call off the wedding plans and we could re-evaluate if he really wants to get married or even stay in this relationship.

We haven’t sent out RSVPs or booked too many vendors yet so I want to call it off before it becomes an even more expensive mistake. He was very upset that I called off the wedding and said he was just joking. He said it was normal to joke about this. AITA?


I’ve talked with him about his lack of enthusiasm about anything. I don’t even need him to have initiative but an opinion would be nice. He said he doesn’t care about the details at all. I let it go after I felt like I was nagging him to have an opinion on something.

The joke made me realize that he probably doesn’t want to get married. That’s where his lack of enthusiasm comes from. We are pretty early into wedding planning and I want to call it off because weddings are expensive and I’m not sinking more of my money into an uncertainty. Figuring out whether he wants to get married will take time and time is money. I can work with him on figuring that out but I can’t keep a wedding timeline with that.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Megaminisima said:

You’re smarter than me. My ex made this “joke” and I laughed it off. I def was the one who got trapped. Run. NTA. Edit to say: it’s basically negging. Which will become boiling the frog and pushing your boundaries and sense of self further.

Trailsya said:

NTA. It's getting stale and old for men to make these "jokes". If they don't want to get married, then don't get married. Men who are married live longer than unmarried men on average, so they are clearly benefitting. Time to stop this manipulative BS, trying to gaslight women into thinking they don't want marriage. You did the right thing.

freckyfresh said:

NTA. Why do people still think it’s funny to joke about hating your spouse/being trapped/“the old ball and chain” and so forth? You made the right call.

vampaelin said:

NTA. It’s not normal to joke about, it’s outdated early 2000s sitcom humour and it wasn’t funny then and isn’t funny now. He’s not joking. Also the “last days of freedom” is ridiculous and a terrible joke as well, he’s in a committed relationship, he hasn’t been “free” since you both made it official.

tattedupgirl said:

NTA please do not marry him. I f'ed up and married my ex after he acted the same way and I called it off. He talked me back into it and it was the biggest mistake of my life.

JadedJumeirahJane said:

NTA. Boomer humor where your wife “trapped you” and you’re miserable and “oh the ol’ ball and chain” nonsense is sooooo 2000. It’s not funny to pretend you were somehow trapped or forced into a relationship. And that your gf/fiancee/wife has MADE you lose your freedom. Leave the jokes in the past, and your fiance too.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for these exes?

Sources: Reddit
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