Woman calls out partner for taking credit for paying for dinner, 'he used our joint account.' AITA?
"AITA for calling out my partner taking credit for paying a restaurant bill when he paid on our joint account?"
So we (me F53) and my partner (M57) took our collective kids out for dinner tonight. My partner paid the bill and as usual paid on our joint account. (He sometimes picks the bill up himself but more often it’s the joint account that gets used).
On the way home his daughter and her boyfriend made a point of thanking him directly for the meal and he acknowledged saying something along the lines of "you’re welcome" or "no problem."
I didn’t say anything in front of the kids but when home I checked he’d used the joint account, and when he confirmed he had I asked why he’d not corrected the kids that it wasn’t just him that had paid.
He went off at me for ruining a good night and that I was being picky about paying the bill, completely missing my point. My point wasn’t about money, it was about him taking the credit and not correcting the kids.
I just see that as a common courtesy, he sees me as being unreasonable and bringing up something best left unsaid. So AITA here? Should I have just let it go?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Hiply said:
YTA - at least from my 'many years married' point of view. When we take the kids, siblings, whoever, out to dinner we always use our joint card and whichever one of us pays doesn't matter. When whoever we've bought dinner for says "Thank you" the response is simply "You're welcome" not "Don't just thank me, it's a joint account so thank him too." You're being too sensitive here.
Paiger2676 said:
YTA. Flip the situation around. If it were your kid doing the thanking to just you, would you have said something about you both paying? Also, how would you have felt if your husband had said something to you after just like you did to him?
jibbetygibbet said:
YTA. His was a completely normal response to them, it’s not like it was an extended conversation describing where the money came from it’s literally just “thanks for dinner” / “you’re welcome kids."
Good chance that if you are a family with sufficiently joint finances to have a joint account then the kids don’t see an important difference even. If I paid for dinner they’d just assume it’s shared money even though they’d thank me as the one you made the decision to give them a free meal, because that’s just the normal thing to do.
You’re making out like he went around town giving interviews about how generous he is and how he did it all on his own. It just doesn’t need to be ‘corrected’ and if you feel that put out by it (which itself suggests you’re self important anyway) then bloody well do it yourself mother than sulk when he didn’t do it on your behalf, he’s not a mind reader.
Understand the kids weren’t thanking him for transferring cash from a specific account, they were thanking him for the gift of a free meal. I think it should be widely understood to be directed at you both by default if you both paid - it’d be rude to ask first “which account did you use dad?” before saying thank you and simply doesn’t need to be said.
Wolf-Pack85 said:
This is the craziest thing to pick a fight over. I don’t see where you mentioned your kids thanking anyone, only his kid did. If it’s this important to you, shouldn’t you have taught them that long ago? Just let it go. You had a nice family dinner, let it be that.
No_Garbage3192 said:
YTA. He didn’t take credit in spite of you. He barely took credit at all. His daughter thanked him and he replied. That’s it. No big deal, but you made it out to be.
Canyouhelpmeottawa said:
NTA. You both put money in that account, you both made dinner. You did half the work but are getting none of the credit. I bet if you bought all the Xmas gifts with the joint account and only put your name on them he would all be pissed.
Small_Dragonfruit_17 said:
NTA. If I’d spilt a bill at the checkout with a friend where we both paid for a friend groups night out, then common courtesy dictates that I acknowledge that person to the group.
His kids thanks him, he should have included you. In fact, his kids were rude by not initially including you in their gratitude. This may be nothing more than an indication of your husbands all round bad manners.