Woman calls SIL a 'medication queen' and says her parenting is 'inappropriate.' AITA?
When this woman is annoyed with her SIL's 'pill parenting' she asks the internet:
'AITA for calling my SIL a medication queen and ultimately slamming her parenting?'
My SIL is very much so the 'if there's meds to help, take all of them' type. This ranges from OTC meds to narcotics. The type who tries giving you her prescribed tramadol if you say you have high anxiety that day and gets offended if you say no because she 'would never give you anything that would hurt you'.
I've gotten in to it with her so many times because she thinks I'm ignorant for refusing to take meds if I don't need to. So, needless to say, she's had her kid heavily medicated since she was 5 (she's now 12) for her ADHD and if her kid so much as exhibits a single sign of energy, she's calling the doctor to up the dose because it's 'not working anymore'.
Now, since our son started school he has been off the walls and getting in to trouble for not sitting still and disrupting class. The school pushed for an evaluation and we agreed to it no issue. But where it was so close to the end of the school year and they kept pushing it out, the evaluation was never completed.
We just pushed it out of our heads at this point because it's summer and made the decision to have him evaluated a month or two prior to returning to school so next year he will be all set to go with no issues. But where it is summer, our kids have been hanging out with SILs kid a lot, since the yard is conjoined.
SIL has mentioned to me several times that I need to get my son medicated because he's 'too much of a handful' and he 'needs help'. Most of these comments are made following my son screaming through the yards while the kids are playing tag or when he randomly stops what he's doing to start dancing.
He does stim a lot so he squawks and randomly starts singing made up songs but it's in no way being over the top disruptive for a mid summer afternoon and it in no way affects anyone other than my SIL. He's just playing.
Well, SIL came here yesterday and said she needed to express a some 'tough love' and basically flew off about how we weren't helping our kid because we 'refuse' to medicate him and help him regulate his emotions. I simply got up from the table and said 'we are done here, you can leave'.
She kept pushing and she wasn't listening to my husband, who kept telling her to mind her business. So I said 'just because you are a medication queen who would rather see your kid doped up rather than handle her does not mean we are those parents. Leave.' My MIL called and said I was an AH for bashing my SIL for 'doing right by her kid and is trying her best'. AITA?
Let's find out what internet users had to say.
brakwe writes:
NTA. Your SIL is a massive piece of work but, with a mother with a nasty mouth like that, it's no wonder! There's no such thing as tough love. That's a term to cover up abuse by saying you're loving someone else. SIL wasn't loving you or your son. She was forcing her opinions on you and then berating you for disagreeing. You clearly love your son and doing what needs to be done. In your own timeline. Good for you!
praprim writes:
ESH. If your child is having to stim to manage their environment, you’re not doing enough to help them. You should’ve pushed harder and with more urgency for evaluations. Long before school age.
(Note, I understand that therapies, medication, and other treatment doesn’t stop stimming. But stimming is often used to reduce stress.) And your SIL is a major AH. There’s lots of different ways to manage various conditions, medication is not always the only solution.
texsu writes:
Your sister is a pill pusher, no doubt about it, and that's extremely unhealthy. Over time, the effectiveness of pills diminishes, which requires people to up their dose, and ultimately causes addiction. Your SIL is setting her daughter up for having a miserable life.
BUT, you're not without fault in this entire situation. Kids with ADHD, ASD, and other neurospicy conditions may not be able to tolerate the situations presented in front of them, but there are methods to circumventing that kind of behaviour without the need of an assessment.
Maybe it's because I worked with neurospicy kids, but I'd have your son calm in about 10 minutes.