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Woman calls teen daughter 'unhygienic' on speaker phone in front of her friends. AITA? 'I was fuming.'

Woman calls teen daughter 'unhygienic' on speaker phone in front of her friends. AITA? 'I was fuming.'


"AITA for calling my daughter 'unhygienic' in front of her friends?"

When my daughter was around 7 or 8 I wouldn't say she was unhygienic, but I would tell her to open her windows in the morning or pick up her pajamas, you know nothing really much. But when she was 10, she got her period and she was going through puberty and I would explain to her how important it was to change her pad, wear body spray, bathe everyday and other hygiene importance.

I don't think she took it as major fact and that would effect her classmates and her teachers. I would at least get about 3 emails talking about my daughter's hygiene and her body odor wasn't good especially since she played sports a lot. I would constantly have talks with her, but she wouldn't listen.

It came to a point where her stepfather gave up on explaining to her about her hygiene and how embarrassing it was to get those emails. Her younger sister couldn't even stand how messy she was, because they were sharing a bedroom and her body odor was like her biggest problem.

Fast forward to now...She turned 16 a few days ago and she was also invited to her friend's birthday party. The same day she was going was the same day I was expecting to see my long distance friend. I asked her if she could please keep her room clean and fresh.

My friend comes over with her 1 year old daughter already asleep and I told her to put her in my daughter's room and a few minutes later she comes back holding her daughter. I asked what was the problem and she told me that the room smelled bad and there was underwear and pad wrappings everywhere. I was in DISBELIEF and I quickly hurried to her room and it a mess. I was fuming. I could not believe that a 16 year old girl couldn't be a clean lady for once and take of herself.

I called her and once she answered I immediately screamed at her calling her "unhygienic," "embrassing," "selfish" and she didn't say anything and just hung up . She comes back and she was crying and saying that I messed her day and I embrassed her in front of a group of people. It turns out that she put me on loud speaker for some game they were playing. We haven't spoken for a week now and I'm starting to feel guilty, but my husband also says that I've been to soft on her. AITA?


I see that alot of people are concerned for my daughter and that they might think she has a medical condition. No, she does not. My daughter is fully aware that she has a very strong body odor since she plays sports. I also see people asking me why I never addressed the situation and left it alone for years. In the text I do state that I would constantly have talks with her, including my husband. My daughter is mature enough to know that her body odor is a problem.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this situation:

StatisticianNaive277 said:

Your daughter needs help. Teenagers should be capable of: bathing daily, putting on deodorant, putting garbage in the garbage. Is she on the spectrum? ADHD? There is something off here. There’s something going on here. Beyond being a slob. YTA for letting it get this far.

False-Pie8581 said:

This. Def YTA. She knows her daughter has a problem but doesn’t do a thing about it? Except shame her daughter? OP get your daughter a counselor bc she needs someone to help her and you are not helping.

Bravedoll3 said:

You’re her parent? You are the ahole. Haven’t you taught her how to take care of herself? My mother helped me with my periods and TAUGHT me how to care for myself. You know this child isn’t bathing, you live with her. You are an absent parent your daughter deserves more.

always2blamejane said:

YTA, idk if this was right but my parents yelled when I did that sh^t w pads and it stopped real quick for me. And my parents ALWAYS checked? My? Room? When guests where coming. If you know your daughter stinks to the point where the school, family, etc talks about it, why wouldn’t you check her room before letting ur friend see it first.

My parents used to be poor. Poor poor. But they didn’t have roaches. My momma told me about one time they went over to a friends place and they had roaches, my momma held my car seat and me the entire time. YTA. I cannot believe this?

BlueGreen_1956 said:

This sort of a NTA and YTA at the same time. NTA because no 16-year-old ought to be that disgusting. YTA because you should have laid down the law about this long ago.

yourfriendoz said:

YTA. You've had YEARS to deal with her issues. You're completely aware of her pattern of behavior in regards to personal hygiene. Suddenly you can't check the room you're telling your bestie to stick her 1 year old in? Then you need to wreck her evening because of your failures as a parent and role model? Get her into therapy so a professional can address the issues you've clearly overlooked throughout her 16 years of life.

No one was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this mother-daughter dilemma?

Sources: Reddit
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