"AITA for canceling a trip because of bedbugs?"
My husband (23M) and I (22F) recently discovered bed bugs in our apartment. I caught it early and have only seen a few, but I know from experience that acting immediately is important.
We have a planned trip coming up to visit his family in Florida, and someone is also supposed to stay at our house while we’re gone to pet-sit. I told him I don’t feel comfortable traveling or having someone stay in our home until the bed bugs are fully treated, because I don’t want to risk spreading them to his family, a hotel, or the person staying at our place.
He’s extremely upset and says I’m basically saying I don’t care about his family and that he’ll have to “wait another year” to see them. We could go to Florida at anytime this year because we get paid fairly good. My intention was the literally opposite of what he was accusing me of. I feel like I’m trying to protect everyone involved by waiting and getting it solved.
He says “I don’t care” because I voiced with him that I didn’t want to be around his problematic dad while we were there. The fact that he would turn around and throw my boundary back in my face was definitely kind of heartbreaking for me.
I even offered to pay for the extermination myself (even though it would cost most of my paycheck) or getting a small $500 loan to cover it so we can still go and visit his family to handle the process as quickly as possible. I’m also sacrificing the trip to deal with this responsibly and not have it get worse.
What hurts the most is that instead of acknowledging the situation, he’s accusing me of being selfish and uncaring. I feel blamed for something I’m trying to fix something that’s not my fault.
I ended up getting a loan anyways because I wanted him to still be able to go. When I told him about it he was upset that I called an exterminator and said that the bedbugs aren’t a big problem.
He is now giving me the silent treatment and laying on the couch while I prep the house for exterminators to come in an hour. I told him that I didn’t care about his lack of sleep and told him to stop throwing a pity party.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Bowman74 said:
NTA. I didn't even have to read past the first couple of lines to know you are not the AH. Bedbugs are a huge problem and I bet if whomever was planning on pet sitting may decide not to if they knew you had bed bugs.
For that matter does the family in Florida know of the little visitors that will be coming along? Are you flying? If so will your luggage infest the luggage of others. Not only no, heck no. I'm sorry you had to get a loan to correct thins but it is important to get rid of them.
I don't even know what to say about the fact that he doesn't think that they are a big deal, that makes me think you will be getting them again. I feel about that attitude the same way I might if someone told me they don't believe in cleaning their butt after defecating. Ewwwww.
A_little_more_left said:
NTA your husband doesn't sound like a great person.
DemonicSnow said:
NTA. Why does your husband want to invest his family's home with bedbugs so much?
Realistic_Head4279 said:
NTA. Good grief, you husband just doesn't get the potential seriousness of bedbugs. Clearly this is your problem to deal with and to make sure these bugs are shared with NO one.
You are being reasonable and considerate in staying home to deal with this issue instead of potentially moving them to your in-laws or sharing them with your pet sitter. I'd suspect your in-laws would be appreciative of your not potentially bringing them into their home.
Purple-Haku said:
NTA. Bed bugs are serious. Sure it sucks that you were looking forward to a trip. But good on you for taking initiative.
Ok-Aardvark-6742 said:
NTA, bed bugs are serious and can be difficult to eradicate once they settle in and start multiplying, and your husband should be telling his family and letting them decide whether they want to risk him bringing bed bugs into their home.