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Woman confesses to stalking husband for 2 years before meeting him; he says, 'That's not cute, it's psychotic.' AITA? UPDATED

Woman confesses to stalking husband for 2 years before meeting him; he says, 'That's not cute, it's psychotic.' AITA? UPDATED


When this woman is devastated at her husband's reaction to her confession, she asks the internet:

"I stalked my husband for two years before I formally met him. AITA?"

I (24F) married my husband (28M) about a year and a half ago. The first time I saw my husband I was a freshman in high school, he was a freshman in college. He was walking his dog at the park, when he stopped to talk to my brother (27M) because they happened to go to high school together.

That was the moment I became hooked. That same day I found his Instagram, his family’s social media, and also where he lived since my brother offered to walk him home while I tagged along. When I got home that day I knew I wanted him, but of course I was only 14 while he was 18, so I came up with a plan.

I found out his younger brother was only one year younger than me and would be attending my current high school. I figured that I had to befriend his younger brother by any means possible next year when he moves up as a freshman while I become a sophomore, and I did.

It took around halfway of my junior year where we became best friends and he invited me over regularly to his house to hangout, this is where I was able to befriend my current husband’s mom, and god did she love to talk about him.

From her, I found out what college he goes to, his past girlfriends, what his elementary/middle school was, his favorite/least favorite foods, his pet peeves, what he likes, etc etc. Eventually when my visits started getting more and more frequent, I formally met current husband again.

Current husband, I’ll call him E, would come over every other week and stay for either Friday-Sunday, or Saturday to Sunday. On those days specifically I would wear my cutest outfits to impress him, and also joke around with him a lot. Eventually I befriended him as well.

A little background on E, he is the school record holder for a certain sport at my school, which I just so happened to do.

And around halfway through my senior year E came back during the season to help coach the current high school athletes, which included me, in order to get some more volunteer work hours in, and I got to spend a lot more time with him. I loved every second of it.

We were friends before, but then we became much closer since I got to spend lots of extra time with him after school, where sometimes he would even drive me home since we lived relatively close.

Fast forward to when I had to move away to NYC for college, E moved with me since he coincidentally got a job near my college. (Edit: I lied, it wasn’t a coincidence. I found out he got a job offer and applied to a college nearby his workplace) Being eachothers only friends in a new state, we became incredibly close.

We started dating when I was almost a sophomore year of college, he proposed to me after I graduated, and we just got married almost a year ago. He knows absolutely nothing about how I truly know him, and believes it is fate that brought us together through his younger brother.

Lately I have been debating on whether or not I should tell him, or at least his younger brother the truth, since the only reason I befriended him was to get closer to E. I feel guilty every time he tells others our love story, because the truth is, I’ve known him for 10 years, while he’s only known me for about 7.

UPDATE: I read a reply saying that the best thing for MYSELF is to keep it a secret, which is what a lot of people are saying, but the best thing for HIM is to tell him, and I figured that person really is right. I will be telling him this Tuesday on his day off, he deserves to know who he married.

Before we give you OP's major update, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

lanavi writes:

Never tell him. Frankly, to be safe, maybe even delete this post on the off chance he finds it and connects the dots.

It's super creepy and he'd be justified to want to end things if he ever found out.

However, what is done is done. And as long as you are a good spouse to him and curtail any future stalkery behavior, I say the best thing to do is to continue with your current life.

the66ss writes:

I'm absolutely terrified. Not just because of your incredibly creepy story but because of the people that tell you to keep going and pretty much supporting what you did. What a bunch of fg psychos.

On the other hand, I'm grateful you have realized that what you did is not healthy for the both of you. Is not mentally nor emotionally nor socially healthy and it's something that's better to get addressed.

The revelation of your doings will produce quite the storm. There's quite the chance he will feel betrayed and that everything in your relationship is a machination, that you hunted him down till you managed to trap him. His trust in people will take a big hit too. It's gonna hurt.

All in all, I actually hope for everything to go well after you tell him the whole story. That the both of you get to heal, to grow and hopefully build a relationship based on actual real trust and experiences instead of the product of 10 years of scheming.

The fact that you feel bad about it and you are realizing that what you did is wrong means you are growing as a person and are on your way to become a better human being. For that I'm proud of you and I hope you get to give and receive a love that's as pure and clear as the most pristine lake.

Now, for those that tell her to keep on with scheme: just imagine if the roles were reversed. Realize how creepy and manipulative the whole situation is.

It's like stalking a bird, learning everything about it, getting close to it just so you can put it in a cage because you love that bird. Go get some therapy, you hypocritical psychopaths.

stunnedsturf writes:

I agree with everyone else that for his sake he should know, but for your sake you should not tell him. To me it depends if you have a genuine relationship now built on trust and love, or is this still some kind of game to you?

Do you continue to trick and manipulate him and lie about things (apart from the bits in the middle.) you also have to think about your BIL/friend. Is he your real friend or was he just a means to an end? And how do you think that will make you feel? What are you trying to achieve by confessing now?

honeydodummm writes:

Hey there OP. Give yourself some grace. I was also an obsessive 14 year old girl once. What. A. Weirdo. Lol! You did start with this intention, but once it was happening did you not truly start to care about your husband and BIL?

I mean, if you'd found out some weird or scary things about this man, would you have continued being friends or pursuing him? Do you think it's possible he was also sorta hoping for this?

Also, you are not in control of him. He could have said no or had been seriously dating someone else. I just feel like you're not being kind to your 14 year old self, and she deserves some understanding, too!

Maybe he was sorta hoping for the same thing, and for you to come if age, which can be equally as "cringe" if you want spin it that way. Maybe he has some magical thinking around it all and he also "placed" himself around you more, knowing you were there. I just think you are still so young.

I can see myself looking at it from your perspective, too, at your age, and at my age now (older, lots older, ) I could look back and be like " yeah buddy! I DID that! And got fell right into my trap!" Girl. You are a go getter! Idk, I just think we can reframe it a bit.

Like were you willing to hurt someone if it fell thru? That would be a game changer, I suppose. And I've not read thru all the comments- but I will. Maybe I'll be persuaded otherwise and you really are a big ol creep! Lol

And now, OP's update:

I told him this fourth of July. After the fireworks mostly ended and we were heading back, I asked him in the car, "Wouldn't it have been weird if we met each other before the first time we actually met? But we just didn't think of each other as significant at the time?"

He smiled and turned to me saying, "Pfft, that's impossible. There's no universe where we would have met and I would not think of you as significant."

That statement struck me in the heart, because I knew I would soon prove that sentence VERY wrong, but i continued on with my plan anyway.

"What if I told you we have met each other before? Before that time I was introduced as 'E's little brother's friend'?" He looked at me like I was crazy, so that's when I pulled over on the side of the road and pulled out my phone to show him the post I put up here before, that explained everything.

He took about 8 minutes to read the whole thing, and when he finished he put the phone down and stared straight ahead, almost like he was dumbfounded, scared, and confused all at the same time.

I started throwing out every excuse and apology I could muster at the moment for about 15 minutes straight when he decided to tell me to stop, and I did.

Then he just sat there and sobbed uncontrollably for about 10 minutes before he finally asked me how much of our relationship, and how much of my identity, was fabricated according to his liking, I told him the honest truth, none of my personality or identity was fabricated for him, accept for the fact of how we met.

The only thing I ever changed about myself to make him like me more was lying about liking Chinese food, I hate Chinese food.

But other than that everything else was real. Although my friendship with his younger brother was built upon ill intentions, my friendship between his brother and I are now one of the most genuine friendships I have now.

He just cried and told me that he does not want to divorce at all, but he does want us to have some time apart so that he could absorb the truth that I gave him. He also said that he expects me to tell his brother and mom this Friday because they deserve to know the truth just as much as he did.

I told him okay, and we drove the rest of the ride home in silence. When we got home he hugged me and cried for about 5 minutes before he got out the car, packed his stuff, and said that he will be staying at a nearby hotel for now.

He said that he knows that he still loves me, but does not yet know how to react to the fact that the beginning of our relationship was very, very orchestrated.

To sum it all up, I guess telling him was a success? I honestly don't know. He sent me a goodnight and I love you text last night while he was at the hotel, so I guess he's noy as much mad as he may be betrayed?

UPDATE 2: Woke up this morning to find out that "hubby" not only lied about going to a hotel to stay at, but also lied about not wanting a divorce, through a text message. He went to his family's home, not a fg hotel.

Told them the entire story himself, probably exaggerated it too to make me seem crazy. His whole family wants nothing to do with me too, claims I'm psycho. He said that he lied about going to a hotel, because he knew if he told the truth I would try to stop him?

Honestly I feel so betrayed. I tried to be a good wife by showing him the true me, and this is what he does? I did all this work just for it to end up like this? Honestly, I kind of deserve it.

I didn't even tell him in the first place because I felt bad, I told him because I had a suspicion that he was catching on to the fact that I knew him for two and a half years before he knew me, largely because I found out he was keeping my old phone in his work desk.

My old phone that has screenshots of a lot of his old instagram posts, plans in my notes app about him, etc. So I guess he never truly loved me if he can't even get past an honest confession like this one. I might update this in a few years when I find a new husband lol.

What do YOU make of OP's story? Any advice for her?

Sources: Reddit
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