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Woman considers abandoning BF after his reaction to neighbor's baby. AITA? UPDATED 2X

Woman considers abandoning BF after his reaction to neighbor's baby. AITA? UPDATED 2X


When this woman is weirded out by her BF, she asks the internet:

"My boyfriend is freaking out about the baby in the apartment below mine. AITA?"

I (23F) live in an appartement building on the middle floor, so there's someone under and above me. I don't really mind the noise, I just tune it out, but about maybe a year ago , the couple living below me had a baby.

Now, I think it's common knowledge that babies are loud: they cry, they scream and the parents can't do much about it. I just kinda deal with it. However, my boyfriend (24M) isn't quite as accepting.

We've been together for about 10 months and he comes over to my place most nights (even though he has an appartement on his own and I have two roommates).

I can only assume that the baby's room is under mine because we can hear him (her? Idk) cry very clearly and we hear his parents talk and sing lullabies to calm him down. It's annoying but it is what it is. For some reason, my BF goes COMPLETELY nuts about it.

Every day, he goes on about how he hopes the baby will FINALLY shut up, and how rude it is that the baby cries, and how he can't believe that the parents allow him to make noise like that...

He ignores me when I try to tell him that it's just a baby and that the parents are doing what they can. I mean, I'm sure they're a lot more annoyed than we are! Then, at night, if he's woken up by the baby crying (which happens almost every night), he'll wake ME up and start complaning about it.

I've also told him many times to get earplugs or, if it annoys him so much, we can stay at his appartement sometimes, but he always says that he "doesn't want to give in", whatever that means.

Things kind of exploded last night when he, once again, woke me up in the middle of the night and shouted that he couldn't stand this anymore. He was REALLY angry, I've honestly never seen him like this, he kept saying that I had to deal with this and that he couldn't live like this.

I told him to please calm down, and he screamed that I had to go shut up the baby. I said that I didn't know what to do, it wouldn't change anything to bother the parents, and he stopped pacing, looked at me and just said that I obviously cared more about a random child than I did about him.

I tried to tell him that no, I love him and want him to be happy, but he just grabbed his clothes and left, banging every door on his way out. I tried texting and calling him, but he doesn't answer me.

I just don't know what to do. I love him so much, but I feel like he's going overboard, it's a baby! Should I go talk to the parents? I feel like that wouldn't help, but maybe it would calm him down? How do I talk to him about it? I just really need advice on how to deal with all of this, please help me.

TLDR: My BF is reacting very strongly to the baby living in the appartement below mine and stormed out after waking me up at night, saying I don't care about him if I refuse to fix the situation. I don't know how to deal with this.

Before we give you OP's update, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

lipoet writes:

wow, this is a huge random red flag. Your boyfriend is the kind of person who expects the world to change for him, i think it's called being a narcissist. and he blames you. This isn't going to be the only thing that will set him off like this. expect there to be more of this type of behavior in the future.

I mean i do get it, having to deal with a baby crying is very annoying. But expecting you to stop a baby from crying is completely unreasonable. Especially when there is such an easy out in going to his house and sleeping.

But since he's a narcissist that is not an option because in his mind the baby crying is a personal attack on him. Nevermind that the people downstairs are completely unaware of his existence, and probably very embarrassed that their newborn is making life hard on their neighbors.

I'd be really careful in the future, because it will probably only get worse. I've known a few people like this and they are constantly searching for someone to be upset with.

And now, OP's update:

Hi everyone! It's been two weeks since my post and I definitely wasn't expecting the kind of engagement I got. I thought you all deserved the end of the story, even though no one asked for it. If you want to remember what this is all about, read my old post (it was removed but I think you can still read it).

Basically, the day after I posted, my BF texted me to say that he was expecting an apology for me. I thought about what you all said about not letting him in my place again and about how I should be careful and told him that I wanted to meet him in a coffee shop away from my appartement.

He tried telling me that he would just come by my house, but I stood my ground and said no, I was going to meet him there.

When we met, I started by listening to some advice I got. I asked him about why the crying baby was bothering him so much, as well as telling him about misophonia, ASD, OCD and all the stuff I was told he might have.

I could see that he was getting annoyed by my questions, so I was trying to be quick, but he was rolling his eyes and tapping his fingers.

Once I was done, he just kinda went "That's it? That's all you want to say?" I told him that I was just trying to understand, because his behavior about the baby wasn't coherent with who I tought he was, and he, very rudely, said that we had a bigger problem than a baby if I actually thought he was crazy like that.

I said that I didn't think he was crazy, just that we have to figure out WHY he's reacting so intensely to a crying child, because if there's no logical reason, it just means that he's incapable of handling himself like a grown-up.

I told him that I didn't want that in my life, that I can't have a future with someone who refuses to deal with his issues and that I was not there for him to treat me like crap! I was ranting and speaking really loudly and he was just sitting there, staring at me with his mouth open like a fish.

I've NEVER spoken to anyone like that in my life, I think I just read so many comments telling me to grow a spine that I must have started to believe it myself! I felt really really proud, I'm usually so bad when it comes to saying what I actually think, and this time I did it!

I waited for his response for a couple of seconds before asking him what he was thinking.

He was breathing really deeply and was bright red, and he said,really angrily, that I wasn't who he thought I was if I could speak to him that way. He said that I was meant to love him for who he was and want him without trying to change him, and a bunch of other crap about how wrong it was for me to say things like that to him. At this point, I was DONE.

I was already almost crying because that whole conversation was SO hard for me, and his reaction just showed me that he didn't care about me or what I was telling him.

I got up and told him that we were done, that I didn't want to speak or see him anymore. I think I also said that I deserved better. I left before he could react, which was very dramatic, but I just didn't want to hear him anymore.

Since then, I know that he tried to call me, text me, and come by my place, but I told my roommates that I didn't want to see him and they've been helpful. He came by two days ago again, and banged on the door until my roommate's partner told him that we were going to call the police. That seemed to "shut him up", to use his own words.

It's been really hard. I know I should probably be dancing and thanking every available God that I got out of that relationship, but still, it was almost 10 months of my life with someone I thought loved me. I'll be fine, but it's still hard to suddenly be alone.

In other news, I finally met the baby from the appartement below mine! He has really big, gorgeous brown eyes and he smiled at me. His parents are nice, they let me high five him and I swear I almost cried. I'm glad I didn't bother them, they seem like a happy family and I'm sure they're doing their best. The baby was really cute, too.

I want to thank everyone who commented or messaged me, even the ones who were rough.

I had all of your voices in my mind when I met with my now ex, and I don't think I could have spoken to him if you hadn't told me that I deserved more. Thank you all. I tried to talk to my BF and ended up leaving him. He has issues and I can't fix him. I'll be fine.

What do YOU make of OP's story? Any advice for him?

Sources: Reddit
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