Woman considers leaving her BF because of his sister; 'Her behavior is CREEPING ME OUT.' AITA? UPDATED 2X

When this woman is disturbed by her BF's sister's behavior, she asks the internet:

"AITAH for thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend because of his sister?"

AITAH for thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend because of his sister? Posted in another group but wanted to get more options. So I’ve (21f) been dating my bf Chris (24M)for the last year.

We started off as fwb but decided to give it a try about 3 months into it. A couple of months ago he introduced me to his family. I was nervous because I’m not close with my family and he is the complete opposite. I wanted so badly to make a good impression because they mean so much to him.

His mom, dad, and 2 younger brothers are great! But it’s his older sister that is the problem. I could tell from the first day we met that she hated me. She was cold and slightly standoffish.

Now I’m a huge overthinker so I just let it go just assuming that she would warm up to me eventually. His family eventually invited me to family dinners every Saturday night.

One dinner my bf jokingly said that his sister and I should do something together to get to know each other. She said that she would never hang out around me willingly and stormed out. No explanation.

The dinner was pretty tense after that but no one ever acknowledged it. When he dropped me off I asked about it and he only said his sister was really protective of him. After that anytime I was in the room with his sister she would storm off. The only time she could be in the room with me is for the dinners. Honestly it was okay with me.

So they were talking about their family trip during dinner one night. They asked me if I’d ever been to Cabo and if I wanted to go. His sister interrupted and asked where I would even sleep.

My bf laughed and said I would stay with him in his room. This set her off and she started yelling that it was a family trip and I was trying to steal her brother from his family. We ended up leaving but again, no explanations, no excuses, and no apologies.

After that day I started to get calls and texts everyday from random numbers. The texts were mildly threatening but nothing too crazy. I didn’t even think that it could be his sister. Until I verified that I would be going with them on the trip last month. This flipped a switch and the texts started to get very scary.

Basically saying to leave my bf or things would happen. I asked my bf if he thought it could be his sister and he just denied it and said it was probably someone trolling me. He explained his sister is just jealous because he is spending more of his time with me. That she would never do anything like that.

It wasn’t until I was walking out of work last week and saw my car was keyed with the words home wrecker. I just know it’s her but I don’t know how to tell my boyfriend so he’ll believe me. Should I go to the police? I don’t know what I can even do. I really love him but I’m scared his sister will do something to me. Also what if it’s not his sister I don’t even know what to think.

Before we give you OP's updates, let's take a look at some top responses:

agahyuwet writes:

Go to the police. This isn’t normal behaviour and you don’t feel safe. It’s your human right to feel safe in your daily life.

If your boyfriend doesn’t immediately support you and show a sense of concern and care for you, dump him. He isn’t required to hate her or sever their relationship but he shouldn’t hesitate to show you his full support. The family should have sorted this out long ago

Most importantly, you have a right to feel safe and you don’t owe her the benefit of your doubt. Do what you must to be safe as soon as possible - call the police and report it.

maddy8 writes:

Unless your boyfriend has a secret family, it would be a pretty weird coincidence if it’s not his sister. Which is gross because she’s acting like she’s a scorned girlfriend.

I would file a police report for insurance purposes at least. They might be able to check cameras around your job. Would be pretty sweet if that nutter was caught on camera. I imagine it takes a while to scratch homewrecker into the paint. NTA.

agahu78 writes:

this needs to be addressed. imma lay a few potential paths i see out. some may be mutually exclusive but im gonna try to lay them out more like stages of response as much as possible.

set up surveillance around where you live. cameras on the perimeter of the house, one facing the car. this is the bare minimum to stay safe and protect your property. also file a police report for the vandalism so there is a record on file in case this turns into a self-defense situation.

the more info they have the less likely you get screwed trying to protect yourself. also it may behoove you to ask your work for the surveillance footage from that day if you parked somewhere visible to cameras, or if you were in the eyeline of another business’ cameras. technology is your friend.

Play with fire. let her keep acting up and act completely unbothered. let it get further under her skin that you don’t care about her attempts to scare you. she’ll probably escalate her behaviors and it’ll become harder to hide it if it is her stalking you. this has the highest risk of physical danger.

Scorched Earth. gather evidence and file a restraining order or temporary protective order on his sister.

if she hasn’t escalated this isn’t really a viable option as their won’t be enough evidence you’re at risk, and they’re not going to do something like trace the email accounts that created free texting numbers they are texting you from, unless something horrible has already happened.

Just leave him. it may be a good relationship but is it really worth it? from what you’ve communicated it seems like things are getting worse not better, and he’s not taking it seriously.

i’m not trying to make you more paranoid but it’s enough serious red flags in this situation. this is the lowest risk of harm but obviously not optimal because you lose the relationship and her bullying would have succeeded in getting her what she wants.

this is screaming inc@stuous attachment to me. i’m not implying that it has manifested physically but she openly views you as competition for his affection and is going full psycho b mode. she sounds like a dangerously emotional person.

the other question i would ask myself is; say she attacks you or something and there’s proof, how would your partner side? do you think he’d choose his sister or you if you could prove you weren’t in the wrong (she’d almost guaranteed try to blame you)? how would his parents act?

would they actually hold her accountable for her actions? say she goes to jail because she attacked you. would they bail her out? would they have and show empathy for you?

parents have favorite kids, some kids are black sheep, some in-laws are prodigal children some can’t do anything right in the eyes of their partner’s parents.

as cold as it may sound, knowing where you are in that hierarchy when push comes to shove is important. if they’re gonna let her continue to treat you like this, it doesn’t bode well for you in future conflicts w them.

Update 1:

So like a couple of you guys suggested I went to the police station to make a report. I did tell them my suspicions but without any concrete proof there was nothing they could do.

I told my boyfriend that I made the report and he got really upset at me. I’ve never seen him as mad as he was at that moment. A couple of days after his mom reached out to me and asked if I could come have a conversation with them.

When I get there his mom lets me in and my bf, his dad, his brothers, and his sister are sitting at the table. I can not express how uncomfortable I felt, I just wanted to get this over with and go home.

I don’t even know how to articulate the stuff they unloaded on me like it was normal. So they sit me down and explain to me that they all engage in an “open family” If you are confused well so was I. To make a long story short they are having se%ual relations with each other.

They go on to explain this is my bf first serious relationship and his sister is just feeling left out because he stopped sleeping with her when we got together. They went on to explain that if I can just give my bf permission to continue their arrangement everyone would be happy. I honestly didn’t even know how to react.

I literally felt sick. I asked if I could get some time to arrange my thoughts. When I got home my bf called and explained that he was scared to tell me. That he never wanted me to know.

He made it clear that he has never slept with anyone while we have been together. He also admitted that he knew it was his sister sending me the threats and if I just agreed to the arrangement she would chill out.

I asked him if that’s what he wanted. He told me he never liked the situation but he loves his family and that’s just what they do in his family. I told him I dont think I’m okay with this. Like if we have kids will they be dragged into this fd up lifestyle. He assured me once his sister started dating we would be able to distance ourselves.

That was two days ago. They have been calling me nonstop. I am just contemplating just blocking them and putting all this behind me. I don’t know what to do to fix this.

aghaop writes:

NTA, after reading both posts this is crazy, the parents are the most at fault here for allowing the children to do something like this it’s bad for their mental health and it’s abuse in many ways, ultimately it’s your choice if you want to stay with him but under no circumstance should you agree to that outrageous condition, he and his siblings need help and the parents need to be locked up.

kooptiru writes:

NTA, but you cannot fix this! This is highly toxic and dysfunctional. And you are expected to agree to let your bf sleep with his sister, which he had been doing before you got together, until she decides to date (and presumably will want to stop sleeping with her brother while dating …

unlikely considering how strongly she reacted to you)? Really? Not to mention that her reaction suggests that she won’t get over it because you agree to let her sleep with him. She will not accept him giving you any time and attention at her expense.

These parents have destroyed any hopes of their children being able to have and maintain healthy relationships romantically or with families of their own forever. You just need to get as far away from it as possible! But honestly, I sincerely hope this is some crazy bad fiction writing for Reddit, like 90% of the stuff listed here!

Update 2:

I want to thank everyone who gave me advice and support throughout this time. I tried to follow everyone’s advice and refuse to meet him and his brother. I broke up with him over the phone. But he wouldn’t accept the break up until we met in person.

I agreed to meet them in a public park by my house. Before anyone comes for me the park is usually full of people at all times during the day.

They bring his brother's girlfriend who is trying to convince me that this is just a way to express love as a family. And how I’m just viewing it as se%ual but it’s deeper than that. She was very adamant that she isn’t forced to sleep with the family.

Steve kept trying to convince me that everything was normal so we argued a little and I broke up with him again. He refused to take the break up and told me we are still together. He was grabbing me so tightly it hurt, his brother had to force him away from me.

I was able to leave and went home and packed some stuff to stay away from home as they know where I live. I had been staying at different hotels these past couple of weeks and it has been stressful.

I was getting really overwhelmed and scared so I took advice and reached out to one of my friends. She has literally been a godsend. She had been nothing but supportive and kind. I’m ashamed that I was so embarrassed to ask my friends for help.

I always thought that I had no one but myself. The only good thing from this situation is that it has opened my eyes to really see the people around me and how much they care and how many people I really took for granted.

I am currently staying with my friend and her husband. They are both trying their best to help and keep my ex away from me.

I know that I was dumb for trying to work it out but I was really under the assumption that he was being forced into it and would be willing to leave them behind. I mean obviously I didn’t even know him really.

Now they are posting things about me on social media and people are saying horrible things about me. They continue to find ways to message me and threaten me. I don’t know why they won’t just leave me alone.

I’ve reported everything, trying to at least get a restraining order or something to keep him away from me. I’m stuck because I can’t do anything unless he hurts me physically.

So I’m sorry if this isn’t the update you wanted but it’s all I have. Yes I’m alive, I’ve broken up with him as much as I can, and now I'm forced to just wait to see if he leaves me alone or finally hurts me.

I’m as safe as I can be at the moment and I guess that will have to be enough for right now. Thank you again for everyone that reached out with advice even if some of it was mean, I needed to hear it.