When this woman is conflicted about her baby's name, she asks Reddit:
While I was pregnant with my daughter I mentioned to my aunt, mom and grandmother my daughter potential name. When I mentioned her name to my aunt she told me that my cousin had a miscarriage and named the child she miscarried my daughter name.
Then said how it’s bad luck to name a baby after a dead baby especially when it’s painful for someone you love. I called my grandma crying because i was hurt by my aunt comment.
My grandma told me my cousin had the miscarriage too early and didn’t know the gender of the baby and that I could name my child whatever name I wanted. My grandma called my aunt letting her know she hurt me by saying those things to me.
My aunt apologized and explained my cousin is sensitive about the name but said she would support whatever name me and my partner chose.
My mom said to chose the name i liked. Few weeks later i mentioned to my cousin the potential names of my daughter. My cousin mentioned that the name was what she named her miscarriage fetus and that the name hurts her.
That’s it nothing else was mentioned. My grandma said that my aunt told her my cousin had a miscarriage prior to knowing the sex of the fetus. We moved on.
My grandma and my mom were the only ones in my family aware of the name of my daughter. I didn’t want to tell my cousin or aunt until my daughter was born. Fast forward my daughter was born early had emergency c section.
We still stuck to the name but changed a letter so it was spelled different. I told my mother not to mention the name to my cousin I wanted it to come from me. Well my mother told the name to my cousin husband who of course told my cousin.
So my cousin was hurt and my mom was staying with her and my oldest daughter so my mother and cousin had time to talk.
I was still in the hospital recovering and was going to reach out to my cousin to apologize that my mother told her the name and it didn’t come from me first. But then my cousin unfriend me on all forms of social media to not see my new daughter.
When I came home from the hospital my mom came to stay with me to help me and my partner with our oldest daughter and our new daughter.
That’s when my mom told me that my cousin told her that her miscarriage was at 12 weeks and she knew the gender and named the fetus our daughter name. My cousin said that i promised to not name my daughter the name of the miscarried fetus This was 8 years ago, I have no memory of this promise.
No one was aware of this promise and she didn’t have anyone else promise not to name their future children this name. Also when I mentioned the name to my cousin when I was 20ish weeks pregnant she never mentioned that I promised anything.
At this time my family except my mother isn’t speaking to me because they think i intentionally named my daughter after the miscarried fetus to hurt my cousin.
I had no intention of hurting my cousin, I love my daughter name it has a lot of meaning to me. AITA?
NTA.To be clear - you didn't name her after a miscarried fetus. Your naming her after XYZ that is important to you. People don't own names.
YTA. It was made clear to you, that this particular name was hurtful to a family member. You shouldn’t be surprised you’ve been cut off and angered people. Is it fair and rational? Not necessarily, but grief isn’t always fair and rational, it’s emotional.
NTA. Your family is being ridiculous. There are many families with multiple Johns, Michaels, Marys etc. Your baby’s name is not about your cousins or about any of your other extended family.
Hopefully they will all remember that there is a new little human being to celebrate that has nothing to do with any of this.