Woman cuts off family for their 'negativity' about her SO being a SAHD, 'I'm not a super good mom.' AITA?
"AITA for getting pissed and cutting off family members for their reaction to my husband being a SAHD?"
Okay so I am 32 my husband is 34. We have 2 children, a boy and a girl. I am not a super good mom. I struggle with anxiety and panic any time I think they might get hurt. I know logically that they will get hurt and they need to learn but I am over protective and I'm fully aware of that.
I made almost 3X my husband's salary before he left his job in December. His salary basically covered childcare and a couple of other things but that was about it. So we thought hard about it and my husband and I came to the decision that he would be a stay at home dad. He is a great dad and wonderful with the children.
He does have some hobbies and has been enjoying getting into them more now that he has the time. He seems far less stressed and is pretty happy being a full time dad. The kids seem happier as well. It has taken a ton of stress off of me as well because I know my children are safe and I know my husband is happy. His mom normally takes the kids twice a week for him to get a break and he takes a break when I get home and I look after them.
I'm thrilled with this arrangement honestly. It has taken so much stress off of me. So for the issue my family fully believes that it is the mans job to work and the woman's job to care for the family. Several family members have voiced their concerns and some have downright said he is being a bum and abusing me financially.
I've told them in no uncertain terms that this arrangement was mutually agreed upon and he has every right to be a father at home. He is the better parent and I make the money. It is no different than having a stay at home mom and I'd never say something so cruel to my mom who stayed home and raised us. It's a hard job.
Anyway the negativity has persisted so I've started telling people if they can't get over it I will no longer be speaking to them( I have enforced this as well for those that persisted after the warning). This has gotten mixed reactions and several people think I am being an a%s when they are only trying to help but they are putting my husband down and he is my person so... I'm not sure if I'm being an a hole or not and if this should be handled differently.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
LadySnack said:
NTA keep doing what works best for your family, and keep up blocking anyone who b%tches or talks down to you. Hang up, walk away, stop contacting them until they apologize, you gain nothing from people like that
Ok-Meringue6107 said:
NTA - go Hubby for wanting to be a SAHD, there aren't too many of them out there and I'm sure they do the job just as well as a SAHM. Financially, it makes sense and is logical for you, OP, to keep working. Your family suck, they need to realize it 2024 and not 1924.
Also, your hubby is not financially abusing you, in fact it is usually the stay at home parent who is in the position of being financially abused, which I am sure you're not doing as both you and your husband seem to be on the same page. Your kids are lucky they have two sensible and loving parents.
lovescarats said:
NTA, you decide what works for you, not anyone else.
Kittytigris said:
NTA, how is making mean comments helpful? Your kids are happy, your husband and you are happy, that’s all they need to know.
Nymph-the-scribe said:
NTA, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the arrangement. Anyone who says they're trying to help, you should ask them how? How do they think putting your husband and you down is helping? How do they think ignoring what you say, that this arrangement was mutually agreed on, and everyone is happy, is helpful? Why do they think giving unsolicat3d opinions and advice, that's not really either because it's just narrow-minded judgment, is helping?
Then tell them you really don't give a f-ck about the answers, that's more for them to contemplate and reflect on for themselves. That you will now be going NC bc you not only warned them, but you have no obligation to have people in your life who are so completely disrespectful and dismissive of you and your family.
Cybermagetx said:
Nta. Im a sahd. Sometimes you got to do what's best for your family. And him staying home is the best for now.
nospoonstoday715 said:
NTA I admire you can openly discuss your strengths and not have it be an issue. It was hard on my hubby at the start but now loves and values the time he had when ours were little. Job sharing is just that and your doing what works for your family. To those who say anything tell them to stop living in the dark ages and move in to the 22nd century where no one person needs to any particular thing because it's a guy or girl job it's now a anyone job.