Woman debates being honest with guests: 'it was AWFUL having them stay over.' AITA?

"WIBTA if I told my guests that it was awful having them stay over?"

My fiancé (25m) and I (24f) from Germany had guest from the US for the last 10 days, let's call them Tim (27m) and Tara (24f). I met Tim online during the pandemic. We bonded over talking about everything that was going on, our different experiences growing up etc.

We also talked about him visiting Germany since he had been wanting to come back. Five years later I am with my fiancé and he has a girlfriend of 3 years, we are still talking regularly. My fiancé and I just moved into a bigger place and decide to ask if they want to come visit.

Everyone was stoked and we help them book the flights, work out an itinerary for their stay that even includes a weekend in Paris and try to make our apartment as comfortable as possible for their stay. They want to sleep in different beds which makes everything complicated but we manage.

At this point I have never talked to Tara and try to reach out. She misses our first call but it works out a week before they fly in and I try to get to know her. We pick them up on Thursday. The airport is an hour from where we live and it's 6am.

Everyone is tired. We get to our place, show them around, show them their beds made and ready with towels and some goodies. They don't thank us. I think it's because they had a long flight and let them unpack. We go out grocery shopping and try to get everything they want.

There's a discussion about how awful it is that there are no public bathrooms available everywhere because Tim has to pee 10 Minutes after we leave the apartment. It's awkward, conversation is slow, I think it's jet lag. We leave for Paris Friday morning.

I organized the trip and didn't get any input from them. Paris is ok, they don't talk a lot, don't give their opinion, I'm at a loss. We get back, no thanks. We spend Monday separately and wanted to spend the evening together. They arrive 45min late without telling us.

The next day we drive them an hour to my parents so they can pick up the car that my parents loaned them for a couple of days. They leave, we get one message a day. Saturday is our engagement party. They don't bring a gift or card, they don't even congratulate us.

Sunday night Tim and Tara ask us if we'll be driving them back to the airport, I ask them if it would be ok if they took a bus back. They are ok with it, I have to book it for them. We bring them to the Bus stop Tuesday morning, say goodbye and still not one thanks or criticism or anything.

No thanking is one thing, the other is budget. Told me they are on a strict budget I tried to keep the costs at a minimal. They proceeded to buy souvenirs like model guns for hundreds of dollars. I just feel very used.

WIBTA if I said something? Is there something I am not seeing? I tried to get their thoughts and opinions every step of the way and they didn't say anything. Normally everyone loves the way we host. Personally I've always been a fan of open communication but maybe this is normal and can be put under cultural differences. I don't wanna be rude.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

poochonmom said:

You would not be the AH, but what are you trying to gain out of this? You made friends. Found out friends are rude when you met them in person. Now you just gradually cut contact with them or continue to chat occasionally but never plan a visit in person. Unless these are people you need to interact with for other reasons there is no point.

And personally, I wouldn't feel it is worth giving feedback about manners like this unless folks are like my kids/siblings/someone younger I am guiding. Of course, if their rudeness was hurtful and they were mean, then stand up to it. But something like this? Cut your losses and move on.

lawfox32 said:

NTA, though I might phrase it differently than just saying it was awful. I might ask Tim if something was wrong, because it didn't seem like they enjoyed themselves, they never said thanks or anything, and things felt kind of off. But being more direct would certainly be acceptable, too; they were very rude.

It's not a cultural difference-- as an American I cannot imagine not thanking my hosts, especially with the amount of planning you put in for them, and also can't imagine not bringing a gift for the hosts--let alone not bringing a gift to your engagement party!

The first day I could chalk up to jet lag--honestly that's about the only time I might have forgotten my manners, because if you can't sleep on the plane the exhaustion can just overtake everything and leave you not really thinking straight. But after that, for everything else? No, that's just unacceptably rude.

Tricky_Parsnip_6843 said:

NTA. I wouldn't bother telling them. My guess is that the couple either had a furious fight or even broke up before arriving. It wouldn't surprise me at all that he tells.you in the weeks ahead that he is single again.

Competitive_Bad4537 said:

NTA, but what's the point? You'll never invite them again. You learned a lesson not to be too giving. I would just let it go and move on. Who needs long-distance drama without the opportunity to gain anything?

StyraxCarillon said:

NTA, but unless you plan to keep in touch, I wouldn't bother. I'm an American, that is not a cultural difference. Not thanking your hosts is incredibly rude.

LaVidaLemur said:

NTA. It will likely end the friendship, but if they’re that rude and disrespectful then so be it. If you’re curious as to if they had a reason for their appalling behavior, you could start with "Hey, so how did you find the trip? You seemed a little off?," but frankly I doubt there could be any answer that makes up for their rudeness.