Woman discovers husband's affair with her sister, 'it was a momentary lapse in judgment.' AITA?
"AITA for wanting to leave my husband after discovering he had an affair with my sister?"
I (30F) recently discovered that my husband (32M) and my sister (28F) have been having an affair. I found explicit messages and photos on my husband’s phone, and I was devastated to learn that their affair has been going on for over a year.
The betrayal is even more painful because my sister and I were incredibly close. We shared everything, from personal secrets to major life decisions. My husband had been expressing dissatisfaction and feeling distant, but I never imagined it would lead to this. When I confronted my husband, he admitted to the affair. He claimed he felt neglected and thought the affair was an escape from his dissatisfaction.
He’s been trying to explain it away by saying he didn’t know how to communicate his needs and that it was a “momentary lapse in judgment.” His excuses sound hollow and insincere. How can I believe that this was just a lapse in judgment when he actively chose to betray me over such a long period?
My sister has also apologized, claiming that the affair was never serious and happened only 2 or 3 times, describing it as just "for fun." Honestly, this makes me even angrier. Three times only? Come on, who believes that? If it had been just once, I still couldn’t have forgiven them.
The fact that she’s trying to downplay it as a “fun” fling only adds insult to injury. How could she think it was acceptable to get involved with my husband? And how could they both trivialize such a serious betrayal?
She’s moved out of town to give me space, but I’m struggling to even imagine having a relationship with her again. Right now, I really want nothing to do with both of them. I will definitely be leaving my husband because he doesn’t deserve my trust or commitment anymore. I also won’t be seeing my sister for a long time, if ever.
Several red flags were apparent before I discovered the affair: my husband was unusually secretive with his phone, had a drastic change in work hours, and seemed increasingly distant and emotionally unavailable. I should have noticed these signs earlier, but I was blindsided by how quickly things escalated.
So, AITA for wanting to leave my husband? I will definitely be leaving him, and I’m also considering cutting off my sister for the foreseeable future. Should I even consider forgiving her, or is there no coming back from this betrayal?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Aggravating-Owl-8974 said:
NTA. Why even consider forgiving your sister? She betrayed you in the worst way possible. Her excuses are crap.
breeze_queen said:
NTA for wanting to leave your husband and distance yourself from your sister. They both betrayed your trust in a massive way. If anything, you're the sane one here, not putting up with their pathetic excuses and minimizing of their actions. Prioritize your own healing—you owe them nothing.
Prettyyy_SofiaAA said:
NTA. He messed up big time, and you don't have to stick around for that. It sucks that your sister was involved too, and it's okay if you need space from her. You didn't do anything wrong, so don't blame yourself. Take some time to heal and figure out what's best for you. You deserve to be happy and with someone who treats you right.
Sl$ttyScarletx said:
NTA. That's a devastating betrayal from both your husband and sister. You have every right to leave and cut them off.
Comprehensive_Value said:
“Momentary lapse in judgment.” That must be a really long moment. NTA. Both of them betrayed you. But what your sister did is worse. Destroying a marriage "for fun?" Her callous approach screams psychotic.
ru_fkn_serious_ said:
NTA. Just run. Far far away. Unfortunately you'll never be able to trust your sister to not sleep with anyone you're with so hopefully you find a real man who you can fully trust in case you do reconcile with your sister.