Woman discovers husband's expensive GF, 'he wants to add a second wife.' AITA for not giving him a chance?
"My husband wants a gf so I filed for divorce"...
While attempting to refinance our house, I discovered my husband was sending money to another woman. After more digging into his business finances, I discovered he has taken this woman on 2 trips out of the country as well, while he left me home with HIS kids. After the 2nd trip out of the country, they decided to call it quits after I caught them in the hotel together.
3 months later he was asking to add a second wife which is illegal in the states. We've been together 6 yrs by now, married 3, and now he wants to add another woman to our relationship? He portrayed himself like this monogamous loving husband in the beginning, but now he claims he's poly and I would be selfish not to do what makes him happy.
This is the 3rd marriage for both of us. He knows I divorced my previous 2 husbands for cheating. He's adamant on being with this other woman in addition to me even though I don't agree. I moved out of the house and filed for divorce. The problem now is, everyone is asking me to give the marriage another chance. It's like they're saying it's my fault because I was the one who moved out. I raised his kids the last 6 yrs and I'm the only mom his youngest daughter knows.
Their mom isn't in their life. She cries saying "I know Dad messed up but can u come back home?" The kids' god parents are marriage counselors through the church and are asking me to give the marriage another chance. This is the 2nd woman he's cheated on me with and has apparently been cheating the whole 6 1/2 years we've been together. How many chances do I need to give him?
He is saying he loves me and wants to work things out with me but still wants both of us. I was a SAHM so I think he's just going to miss a clean house, clean clothes, personal driver for the kids, and in-home intimacy (since the other partner is out of state). We have a 60 day waiting period before we can finalize the divorce. At this point, I'm second guessing myself if I'm doing the right thing. AITAH for not wanting to give him another chance and finalize the divorce?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Dark_Mode_Nose_Wind said:
Whoever 'everyone' is, they can f-ck right off along with your husband. It sounds like he has been using you. You can't finalize that divorce soon enough.
MaskedCrocheter said:
NTA. The reason he keeps cheating is because everyone around him keeps enabling him. Ignore what the enablers want and rock that boat. Do what's right for you and tell them they're bad friends and bad Christians for helping him continue to break marriage vows.
OrangyOgre said:
NTA 6yrs of lies idk why others are asking for a second chance and he isnt even sorry for what he has done.
LyraSevonar said:
NTA. I could have written a very similar story 6 years ago. I made the mistake of staying and trying to make it work. What happened is that I got stuck at home with all the adult responsibilies while he went cavorting around with his girlfriend who happily rubbed it in my face at every opportunity.
Stay strong. Divorce your POS husband and go live your life. Tell anyone who tries to talk you out of it that they need to be addressing him and telling HIM that he needs to dump his side piece and focus on his kids. Remind the adults that this is 100% his fault.
cas-par said:
Poly person here, NTA. myself and pretty much everyone else i know who also is poly would never force someone into it when they don’t want to be, or try to establish any kind of polyamorous relationship without clear cut boundaries and communication, along with respect and care. your husband is just out to cheat. don’t listen to anyone other than yourself, because they aren’t the ones who have to be in the relationship.
Unbiased_panel said:
The top rules of polyamory are honesty and consent amongst all parties. He broke both of those rules. He doesn’t get to say he’s monogamous but then be oops-all-poly after getting caught. NTA. Who cares what everyone else says. Move on from this creep.
Responsible-Type-525 said:
NTAH, divorce him. You made your boundaries very clear, and he's trying to change them now after he can't stop seeing her. Grab your children and prepare for divorce. He wants another woman so bad he can have her, but not while your together. That's not fair to the love and trust you put in him the past 6 years, and now you've learned he's probably been cheating that whole time Emotional manipulation, deception, secrets, and he just expects you to be the 'good wife' and just accept another woman. No.